Archangel
by Rokubi
Summary: Commander Shepard meets with the mysterious Archangel in a dark corner of Afterlife. He's clearly turian, but that's all that she can tell as he's kept his helm on throughout the whole meeting. But she can't help but feel like she knows him… ME 2 F!Shepard/Garrus M Content
1. Rebirth

**Title:** Archangel

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Marie-Fanwriter

**Summary: **Commander Shepard meets with the mysterious Archangel in a dark corner of Afterlife. He's clearly turian, but that's all that she can tell as he's kept his helm on throughout the whole meeting. But she can't help but feel like she knows him…

* * *

Chapter One

Rebirth

"Don't _fuck_ with Aria," the Queen of Omega states her only rule with a glare before she settles back down onto her couch, backed by pink and red lights of Afterlife.

Commander Shepard wants to laugh. She knows this game. She was dead two years and the universe still plays by the same bullshit rules. Aria is merely flaunting so she won't come off as weak. She's trying to gain the upper hand on Shepard before the commander can do anything to mess with the power and status she has.

Shepard smirks, her eyes meeting the Pirate Queen and, for a half a second, the other woman wavers. _Good_. Shepard's not here to have a pissing contest with her, but her own ego dictates she'll not tolerate anyone talking to her in such a manner. People die when they disrespect her, and Aria will not be an exception.

How hard would it really be finding this Archangel and Dr. Solus without her info?

"Seems like we live by the same rules," Shepard doesn't bother to sit, she's not here to chit-chat. "I'm looking for Mordin Solus, do you know where I can find him?"

Aria doesn't know much. Just his whereabouts that he's as likely to heal you as he is to shoot you. The plague sounds like trouble, but seeing that she has an all human crew she doesn't worry too much.

_Guess there is a perk to being a Cerberus dog after all._

"And Archangel?"

"He tends to… show up when people are looking for him. Right now he's in deep shit with the Ellipse, Blood Pack, and Blue Suns. I heard they're going to make a move on him soon, so if you want him alive you better start looking."

"And you're not out to get him? I thought he's been disrupting everything."

"He's been a good little turian and stayed always from my affairs. I figured he's just waiting until he has more influence before he starts after me. But he's given those three idiotic gangs something to fight instead of each other, so I've let him be. For now."

"I see. I guess I better start looking then." She doesn't bother with a good-bye before leaving. Miranda and Jacob fall in line behind her. Once at the bottom of the staircase Shepard scans the room before turning to head farther into the club.

"Where are we going, Commander?" Lawson asks as they enter a quiet hallway.

"You heard Aria, ask around enough and he shows," Shepard answers as they enter a dark part of the club. The music is thumping loud enough that Shepard can feel it with the beat of her heart. "I'll wait here, in that corner," she gestures at a dark, shadowy booth, "and I want you two at the front and back entrances. We'll give him two hours, after that we'll go get Solus."

Miranda and Jacob both don't look happy with the 'sit and wait' plan, but they do as they're told. Shepard settles into her booth and, for the first time since she's been brought back to life, she lets herself relax.

She lets out a sigh as she sinks into the plush booth and hits the menu on her table. The menu display pops up and she orders herself something fruity and alcoholic to drink and a light, Earth style meal.

Archangel likely won't show. She just needed a damn break from those two.

* * *

Shepard was nibbling on a cold French-fry as the gleam of blue and black metal caught her attention. From the corner of her eye she watches as an armored turian walks in the dark room. He's wearing a helmet but she can tell from the way it's scanning from side-to-side he's looking for something.

Her N7 armor blends well enough into the shadows, expect for the bright red and white streak down her arm. His scan catches on it and slowly his helmet meets her gaze. For a long while he just stands there, staring at her. He doesn't move. Doesn't say a word.

"Archangel," she calls loud enough for him to hear and he seems to break him from his stupor. She waves at the seat across from her with a nod of her head. Slowly he walks over and he slides in. For a second it looks like he's going to unlatch his helm but he just settles his hands at his sides.

"I'm surprised you showed. Thought Aria was bullshitting me." She gives a small smile, reminding herself to be pleasant as she is in need his help. "Honestly, if it was me causing all this chaos on Omega, that bitch would have been at the top of the list." She gives a thoughtful hum. "There is still time…" And for a second Shepard really considers heading back up and ripping the asari a new one. But Aria hasn't done anything to her, _yet_. Shepard blinks and gives a sheepish laugh at the surely confused turian across from her. "Sorry, got carried away for a sec. I'm—"

"Commander Shepard," he finishes for her. His voice is being distorted from the helm but Shepard can hear the familiar duel tones of a turian voice, similar to her old crewmate's.

Shepard finds her smile is real as she grins at the man across from her. "The one and only. Good to know _somebody_ remembers me. You'd think the galaxy has amnesia with how no one seems to notice or remember me."

She drops her smile as she finally gets to the point of her meeting with him. "I need your help. Have you heard about the disappearing human colonies?" He gives a slow nod. "Well, I know this is going to sound… strange but, the Collectors are behind the abductions."

"And that's where you've been for two year? Why you faked your death?" He interrupts again and Shepard is confused by the heat in his words. She freezes and debates about how much she should tell him. Being honest as always gotten her the farthest and working with Cerberus is going to take a lot of trust on a non-humans part.

"I need your help," she repeats. "And that means working with Cerberus." He's had to have seen the logo on her chest. "I'm about to ask a lot of you, so it's only fair to tell it to you straight, Archangel. So ask me anything you want." She holds her chin high and she can almost see blue eyes starting back at her through the dark tint of his helm.

Blue?

He quiet again. Without a proper face to look at Shepard feels at a disadvantage. "Why fake your death?" He finally asks. "Was it to join Cerberus?" He gestures to the logo and she wonders how much influence the once small rogue Alliance sec has now-a-days. His voice still sounds heated and Shepard answers in a calm voice, ready to pull her pistol if need be.

"I didn't fake it."

Archangel tilts his head in a way that reminds her of Garrus Vakarian. She'd always wondered if that gesture was a turian thing or a Garrus thing. "You've been in a coma—"

She shakes her head. If only it was that simple. "I didn't fake it. I owe them my life and working with them to save innocent lives is the least I can do." She looks away. "Trust me, whatever you've heard about them, they are much, much worse. I don't like it, but it has to be done."

She looks back to see him shaking his head. His hands are flexing open and closed on the table top, lightly scraping the metal surface and leaving faint trails. "I don't understand."

Shepard sighs. There is no avoiding it. As much as she doesn't like it, she has to get use to talking about it. This stranger will be the first of many to hear her story. "I was spaced two years ago and I died." She paused, saying it out loud wasn't easy. "Somehow Cerberus recovered my body before the Alliance and they… brought me back." She feels her stomach turn. "How they _did_ _it_ is beyond me. But for now I know they won't stab me in the back, they spent billions on me."

Archangel goes silent again and she hopes this isn't a character trait. She really hates prolonged silences.

"So you got my story, what's yours?" She asks, trying to lighten the mood.

He shakes his head. "One more thing. You had a crew. Why not find them?" He is leaning slightly closer to her and she notices the emblem on his right arm; turian military. In the back of her mind something clicks, but she is too distracted by his question to piece it all together.

"I tried." She admits while looking away again. "It's… it's not that simple. To me it feels like it's only been a week since I… since I last saw any of them. To them it's been two years. How can I just show up out of the blue and risk their lives again? I did see someone, by chance. But she made it clear she doesn't trust me anymore." Man, she only had _one_ drink. Why was she being so… open? It's like he knows all the right questions to ask. It feels like he _knows _her better than he should. Where are the questions about the mission she's asking him to join? The questions about pay and living accommodations? Her fighting style and what she'll expect from him? Why does he care about these more private details?

Again, her brain clicks and the answer is on the edge of her tongue.

"Who?" He says with real interest and she sees his hand tighten into a fist.

Shepard shakes her head. "It doesn't matter." This a great first impression she's made, huh?

They fall into another silence before he speaks again. "You really are her," he says breathlessly and slides out of the booth. Shepard stiffens as he walks to her side and she readies her gun as he nears her. But she stops as he pops off his helm and sets it on the table.

His eyes are indeed blue, but what she saw was the light of the visor over his left eye. His plates are a dusty gray and his has colonial markings in a shade of deep blue in a strip across his face.

Shepard was going to kill the Illusive Man. She fucking asked about _him_ and she just got some bullshit about him being off the grid. There is no way in hell Cerberus didn't know who Archangel was.

"Garrus?" Shepard gasps in complete shock and happiness. She's partly mad about him not telling her from the start, but she feels like she passed some test of his, as he could have walked away with her none the wiser about his identity. "Garrus!"

Shepard stands to hug him, feeling joy radiate through her, but is stopped as the blue-eyed turian leans in and _kisses her_. He pushes her back down, onto the soft seat, and she is forced to slide back to the rounded corner of the booth as his body presses down on hers.

She falls farther back and her hands shoot out and grab hold on the table. Her fingers smash into to something wet and thick and she knows it's the ketchup she'd spilled earlier.

Garrus' tongue pushes into her mouth and her eyes widen. Damn, turians can kiss? Since when?

His mouth is _hot_ and eyes piercing as his hands pull at her armor….

No, focus! She orders herself. Garrus is Archangel. _Archangel_. This warrants a very long talk. Not making out. Definitely not making out. Even if it does feel really good.

And what does he think he's doing? Last time she saw him they were parting ways on the Citadel. They gave friendly good-byes and that was that. No promises to keep in touch or anything. Nothing that would give rise to him jumping her right now.

_You were dead_, her mind whispers.

So? Does that mean when she sees Kaidan he's going to do the same? What about Liara? Tali already showed she wants nothing to do with her, so why is Garrus kissing her? Why is she letting him?

He's backed her fully into the booth and with skill he flips them in the cramped space so she's in his lap. This breaks the kiss and Shepard gasp for air before he pulls her in for another. This time her body betrays her and she eagerly kisses back, loving the tingling of her lips and the sparks flying up and down her spine. She removes her gloves and her fingers lace into his fringe and he groans as she touches the soft skin underneath. One of his hands has been holding her head to his and she finally notices where his other is as her lower armor falls away.

Whoa, that's a big jump from randomly kissing. It's too big of a jump, in fact.

Shepard pulls always, her lips feeling sore from be smashed to plated ones, and she pushes him with her hands on his chest.

"Garrus, slow down, I mean we need to talk about—" She is cut off as he jerks her forward, his blue eyes ablaze and her breath catches in her throat at the intensity of his stare.

"Later."

"No," she says firmly as she pushes again, trying to keep her mind clear as he runs his tongue along her jaw and—_oh shit_.

Shepard tries and fails to stop the deep moan that escapes her lips. When did he…?

"No, _ah_, we can't." She moans again as he pushes deeper inside her. "Garrus…" She falls forward, unable to care about anything but the way he is stretching her. She spreads her legs and pushes him even deeper. "Damn." He's big and she grits her teeth as she takes him all in. There is a bit of pain, as this body of hers is new to this act, but it fades and is replaced by a hot need.

They're in a bar, for fuck's sake. They can be caught any second, but all she wants is him to fuck her. To let her forget she's been brought back from the dead just to risk her life all over again for a galaxy that doesn't give a shit about her. He's someone from her past; someone who _she _saw only a few weeks ago and hasn't turned away from her.

She knows she's not attracted to him. That if this was Kaidan or Liara she would have let them do the same… maybe. She's always respected Garrus, and she went out of her way to try and mentor him. So maybe there is a deeper reason she's not pushing him away. But those thought are no good right now.

Shepard lifts herself up on her knees and slowly ease back down, setting a tempo her virginal body can handle. Garrus is shaking under her and her heart hammers as his hands grip her hips and he takes control. She presses her forehead to his—as he has lowered his close to hers—and closes her eyes as she lets him do as he pleases.

Her hands grips at his shoulders as he pulls her body a bit too hard to his and she holds back a loud cry. His mouth brushes hers and she can feel his mandibles fluttering on her cheeks.

"Shepard." His voice is strained and raw. She doesn't dare look into his eyes, afraid of what she'll find. "Shepard." He hugs her tight to him and her eyes open to stare at the dark ceiling. His tongue is hot on her neck. "_Shepard_."

All she can hear is his voice, broken, calling her name in her ear. Like he doesn't believe she's real. All she can feel is him desperately pounding into her, holding her like she'll slip away. She can still taste his tongue in her mouth and the bright blue of his eyes are burned onto her eyes.

A selfish part of her is happy. Happy to know someone actually cares that she was gone. But then she remembers who he is now, what he does, and she knows it's her death that drove him to this. The Garrus she left would have never become a vigilante. He would have never broken the law just to get things done. He may have hated all the red tape and endless hoops, but she taught him they were there for a reason. And now he's Archangel.

She's read his file. He's killed more scum than she knew existed. But just because they're scum doesn't mean it's right. Just because this place is a lawless heap doesn't mean he can act without law.

Her death did this to him. Made him a man he would have hated years ago. A man she is sure his father will never be proud of.

How can she make this right?

"Shepard," Garrus calls and she arches as he fills her, the blast of liquid heat sending her over the edge. He pulls back and his blue eyes look into her, wide and uncertain, and her heart gives a painful twist.

How can she make this right?

* * *

They redress and are sitting back in their original places. A mark of red along Garrus' collar catches her eye and she see that ketchup is smeared along it. It's crusted between her fingers on her left hand as well and Shepard takes a moment to wipe her hand before looking at him.

"You have some on your collar…" she hands him a few napkins. He takes them and sits them on the table; his blues never leaving her. "So, uh, I would ask how you've been but… dropping off the grid… Omega… _Archangel_…" she says the last word with a bit of heat. "I can kinda guess."

"No, you can't." His voice is… different. The type of difference that one wouldn't notice over time, maybe changed from age and experience. But seeing how it's only been a few weeks to her, the change is startling. "It's been hell."

"Well, that _was_ my guess," she shrugs and leans back into her soft seat. "Tell me about it. When I died," Huh, it's already a _bit_ easier saying it. "You were signing up to join the Spectres with my glowing recommendation knocking down walls for you. What happened?"

His eyes narrows at her. "You died." Damn, he's grim now.

She holds his gaze before looking away. "I gotta admit I'm surprised my death hit you so hard. I mean we weren't close and you didn't…" She blushes as she mumbles out, "Ah, have an interest in me like T'Soni and Alenko…" She looks at him. "Or did you?"

He gives a dark laugh and gestures to where they just had sex. "I think that answers that."

Why is she blushing so hard? They're both adults here. "Why not say anything?"

"I… I saw how you rejected them. I didn't see a reason why I would be different." Garrus has not looked away from her once and she hates how exposed she feels under his gaze.

"You were… different from them," she says with all seriousness and honesty. "I enjoyed our talks a lot. I can't say what I would have said, but—"

Garrus cuts her off with a shake of his head. "I don't want to know."

She slowly nods, "Alright." Picking up a clean napkin she reaches out a wipes clean the sliver of his armor. They are quiet as she works and it isn't until she sits back into her seat that they talk again.

"I know working with Cerberus is going to be tough to swallow, but I've seen what the Collectors are doing. It has to be done."

Something in his gaze softens and she knows what he's going to say before he says it. "I can't come. I… have a team. They need me."

Shepard can't help the dumbfounded look she's giving him. Out of everyone she thought he would say yes, if only because of his pure sense of duty. But time changes everything it seems.

He adds, "I'm sorry," as he reaches out and brushes a lock of hair from her face. She pulls away, but regrets it as Garrus flinches back, wounded.

Of course he has commitments. Did she think he was here causing havoc on Omega alone? He has people who must look to him for guidance. People who will die without him to watch their back—their six—like he did hers.

"I'm sorry," he repeats as he hangs his head.

This can't be an easy choice. Not with how he greeted her. Not with how he's been looking at her.

She still wants to lecture him with how reckless he's been, but she just doesn't have the heart. Instead she taps her omni-tool and his pings in response. He looks confused before accepting the connection.

"Here's my current contact info. It's all through Cerberus, but I still check my all my old active accounts too. Aria said the Blue Suns, Blood Pack, and Eclipse are planning to make a move against you. I don't know when, so keep sharp. Aria might try something too. I'm heading to the plague zone soon, so I might be unavailable for a while."

Garrus' breath hitches. "Are you crazy? Why are you going there?"

"I'm recruiting, remember? I need the salarian doctor working at a clinic there."

"Solus? Shepard, I'm coming with you—"

She holds up her hand and gives a light smirk. "Didn't someone _just_ turn me down? And even if you didn't I would still be sending your ass the ship. I'm going in with an all human team and you'll only risk infection."

"I wasn't asking. I know Omega. And Dr. Solus has patched me up quite a bit."

Shepard sits up straight in her chair and stares at Garrus. "No."

Garrus sits back and folds his arms. "And how will you stop me, _Commander_? Give me a write up? Send me to the brig?"

"No," she repeats. "You're not coming."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that."

Shepard grits her teeth and glares. "Garrus, don't you fucking dare step foot in that quarantine zone. Or so help me…"

Garrus leans forward, his eyes challenging. "What, Shepard? What will you do?"

Shit, where did he get all this backbone from? No one ever challenges her like this. No one. She wants him _bad_ now.

"Whatever I have to, to keep your ass safe. I don't care what type of dare devil, death wish seeking bullshit you've been doing for the last two years, but I'm not about to let you walk into certain death because of me. I didn't come back from the dead just to watch you die."

Garrus sits back, clearly not submitting, and Shepard hits her tool again. "Here's my comm frequency. You can listen in if you want, but you're. Not. _Coming_."

And because he still has that stubborn set to his face, and it's making her body tingling with the memory of what they just did, Shepard slips from her seat to sit next to him. He meets her half way for a bruising kiss and she's still amazed at how well he can do it. They're both panting when she pulls away and she shivers at the hungry look in his eyes. He pulls her back for another and then another. Shepard's sure he would have fucked her again right there is it wasn't for the shocked gasp from behind her.

Garrus grips her arm and narrows his eyes at the person behind her, daring them to come closer. As sweet as his protectiveness is, she pulls away and turns to face a stunned Miranda and an amused Jacob.

Seeing that the ex-Alliance man looks more interested in Miranda's flabbergasted expression than his commander frenching a turian, she suddenly realizes how little the man cares about her. She's his CO and that's that. She finds she has a bit more respect for him now.

"C-Commander…?" Miranda looks like she doesn't know where to start. "Archangel?"

Shepard laughs just as a tall turian and batarian approach, one from each entrance, and she's sure they've been following her team. They both freeze at the sight of Garrus, looking at his face then at her and her team. She slips free from the booth and Garrus stands behind her. The feeling of him at her back is familiar and comforting; she wishes he was coming with her.

"So you really didn't know who Archangel was when you gave me his file?' Shepard asks as the two new comers hover to the side. Miranda and Jacob notice them and turn so their backs aren't facing them, making a haphazard circle.

Miranda eyes the man at Shepard's back before looking at her. "Seeing how you've only extensively worked with one turian in your life," did she really spend the last two years studying her? How creepy is that? "This must be Garrus Vakarian."

Shepard can feel a slight press at her hips as Garrus drags his hand along her waist as he walks to her side. "You have me at a disadvantage." He crosses his arms as he stands barely an inch from Shepard.

The commander waves a hand at the white clad operative. "This is Miranda Lawson, my XO." Then at the ex-marine. "And this is Jacob Taylor." She looks at the two others standing nearby. "Yours?"

Garrus nods but doesn't give their names. "And these two are going with you to get Solus?"

"Yes, _they_ are." Shepard looks at him and they end up in another face-off.

Thankfully, Garrus finally sees some reason. He lets out a small sigh and mumbles something about her still being stubborn as always.

"I'll send you what I have on Solus and the ward he's in," he says. "He's a good guy, just don't go in with guns blazing."

"Yeah, I heard." And because she can't help it, she asks, "Are you sure about not coming?"

He looks over at the turian, who is now awkwardly fidgeting, and batarian, who is trying his best to look like he's not paying attention, and says, "Yeah, I am."

Unsure of how to part ways she pats his arm, hand lingering as their eyes met, before turning away.

"Stay safe," he calls and she can hear a bit of longing in his voice. Shepard looks back over her shoulder and gives him a reassuring grin.

"You too, Archangel."

* * *

Getting Mordin was a breeze. Even with Miranda's endless questions, as the women was sure she knew _everything_ about Shepard and it was _impossible_ that she missed an important detail like her dating a _turian_. Apparently it was common knowledge Shepard, Kaidan, and Liara had some kind of messed up love triangle going were Shepard couldn't pick between either one. Shepard had patched Garrus through to her comm only and he had given a bark laugh at that detail.

It was nice having Garrus talking in her ear. Once on the _Normandy_ they talked until the ship was out of range. It was amazing how they avoided any serious topics. Shepard promised to return soon and Garrus said he was looking forward to it.

* * *

A month later and Shepard is worried. Mordin is telling her about how he'll have everything ready in a week for facing the Collectors, but she isn't paying attention.

"Clearly distracted," Mordin admonishes. "What's troubling you?"

Shepard looks down at her omni-tool. "Garrus, you know Archangel, my—"

"Boyfriend." The doctor smirks.

"Uh," She's made a habit of visiting Omega regularly and both the master thief and brilliant doctor have found time to poke fun at her clear love sickness. She hates to admit that she's fallen quite hard for the sweet, turian bad boy. "He hasn't messaged me in a… day. I know it sounds clingy but the last thing he said was the 'gangs were on the move' and now…."

Mordin nods. "Could be nothing. Don't worry. Should check on him, nonetheless."

"You think so?"

"Yes." He places his hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry. Archangel is tough and so is team."

Shepard leaves and tells Joker to head to Omega.

"So soon? Jonesing for Garrus already?"

"Shut it, Joker."

He laughs. "Aye-aye, Ma'am."

They make it to Omega and—just to be safe—Shepard takes Mordin and Jacob with her as she heads to Garrus' hide out in the Zima District.


	2. Reasons to Live

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Marie-Fanwriter.

* * *

Chapter Two

Reasons to Live

Garrus knelt behind his balcony railing, staring at his omni-tool. It gives another urgent beep, letting him know a new message is still waiting for him. He hits ignore and closes his tool.

Shepard's messages are starting to pile up.

A tremor rockets through him and he forces a humorless smile to his face as he calms himself. Why is he even _surprised_ anymore? He pops up from cover once again, taking a particularly large merc out with a bullet in-between the eyes. Scope and drop, scope and drop. He knows this dance. Same one he's been doing for years. But it's been a long time since he's done it alone.

He was… happy.

He was going to begin the process of disbanding the team, finally going to leave Omega…

"Damn it."

… until Lantar betrayed him.

_Lantar. _

Hot rage flares in Garrus, bone deep and bitterly painful. The next merc doesn't get the mercy of a quick death.

All he can do now is take a few more mercs with him to the grave; he won't stop until he runs out of clips, stims, and memories.

Memories of his family, of his friends, and of _her_.

* * *

Garrus jerks awake, his hand reaching for the gun under his pillow. With it in his grip he scans, eyes adjusting to the odd glow in the dark room, until he can make out a body curled up next to him. The body is facing away and he can't make out any features at first. But there is only one person he trusts enough to share his bed. Someone he thought dead only three days ago.

Garrus relaxes and places the gun on his night stand, telling himself to remove it when Shepard sleeps over next. He settles down under the sheet and listens to the gentle sounds she makes.

Watching Shepard walk away three days ago—_letting_ her walk away—has to be the hardest thing Garrus has done in a very long time. There is still a chance this is another messed up dream of his, but it's been so long since he dreamed of her that he is inclined to believe it is real.

That Commander Shepard is really alive. That she is really sleeping soundly in his bed.

The story she told him he is less inclined to believe. She may _think_ it's real, that Cerberus did the impossible and brought a hero back from a cold grave, but it's a lot to take in. At most, maybe they healed her and kept her sedated until they needed her. _That_ is something he can see Cerberus doing. But the idea of her being at their mercy for so long is unsettling. If he only knew she was alive he wouldn't have wasted all this time mourning her. He could have been helping her; freeing her from their clutches.

He always seems to mess things up.

Garrus didn't mean to take things that far when he saw her in Afterlife, sitting there looking so bored. But when he talked to her… he just needed to make sure she was real, something tangible and solid, and she _was_. He's learned to act in the moment, because later may never come. But thankfully there _is_ a later. Thankfully she did return like she promised.

The lights of Shepard's cybernetics are, in a strange way, comforting. They give off a faint enough glow for him to see by in the windowless room, but aren't bright enough to disturb him in his sleep. The curve and swell of her waist and hips are inviting and Garrus feels an aching need to touch her.

Beautiful. She's _beautiful._ A Spirit walking among the living. And he has to make sure she's real again. One touch isn't enough. Not after she's been gone over two years. He may never stop needing to touch her, to feel her in his arms.

His hands reach out and he pulls her closer. He's not sure why she's been so willing to be with him. Maybe his presences lessen a bit of the pain she's surely feeling at the less than fair hand she's been dealt. But, at the moment, he doesn't care why, only that she is here in his bed, and not off risking her life all over again.

Shepard makes a noise of protest as he pulls her to his chest, but settles down as he wraps his arms around her. He presses his face to her hair and deeply breathes in her scent.

_Real_, he reminds himself. _Real_.

"You're fucking hot," Shepard mumbles and he feels her push him back. Reluctantly, he lets her go and slides away. She fumbles around in the dark and kicks off the covers before pulling his arms back around her. "Better," she sighs and falls back asleep, arms around his waist and her face buried in his cowl.

The chill of the room doesn't bother him and he joins her soon after.

* * *

The buzz of the alarm clock wakes Garrus. Shepard jumps at the foreign sound and looks groggily around, her hair a mess and eyes cloudy.

"Sorry," Garrus says as he slips from bed and turns on a dim light. "Go back to sleep."

Shepard rubs her eyes and mutters, "I'm up now. And I'm sure Lawson's losing her mind wondering where the hell I've wandered off to."

When she messaged him to meet up with her last night, he was more than happy to oblige. When she asked if he had a safe place to talk, he brought her back to his hideout without a second thought. But as soon as the front door was closed they were at each other. He was shoving her against the wall and she was pulling him into a searing kiss. Whatever she needed to talk about was forgotten about as they fumbled their way up to his room.

Garrus didn't want her to go, not yet. "Well, grab something to eat before you leave. Ripper, she keeps the fridge stocked with food for everyone."

"She? A girl keeps your fridge stocked?" Shepard teases with a sly grin that makes his heart jump. "Should I be worried?" She asks while playfully leaning back on her arms, her body glowing in the soft light of the room.

"No." He leans down and brushes his mouth to hers, loving how soft they are. "You'll always be my top choice for an interspecies liaison."

Shepard laughs and kisses him back, sending a pleasant tingle down his spine. "Good. I'd hate to be number two, might mess up my stats."

Garrus leaves the room to gather their scattered armor pieces from the night before. His team should be making appearances throughout the day. They all know enough to have their own jobs running without his guidance, but he still makes them check in daily in person, just to make sure they're still kicking. He's not sure how they will react to seeing Shepard if she's still here when someone shows up. Her Cerberus logo may cause some distrust, rightfully so as Cerberus has upgraded from small ex-Alliance black ops group to a known terrorist organization in the last two years. Or the fact she's the once dead, great Commander Shepard might garner more questions than either him or Shepard will like.

By the time he's back up the stairs—with all of their missing armor stuffed under his arm—he's met with the sight of Shepard holding his visor to her head, listening to his music.

"What are you doing?"

Shepard grins, "Really Garrus? 'Fire in the Courtyard' from the _Fleet and Flotilla_ soundtrack?"

"Tali gave me it and the movie. It's not bad." Shepard's grin falters for a second before she forces out a snort. Garrus knows who it was she was talking about now. Garrus knows who turned her away when she needed a friend.

"Oh, yes it is. I saw it with Liara and… Tali once. Do you know how impossible it is to have a turian and a quarian make goo-goo eyes at each other? One's wearing a damn mask and the other looks like he's talking about military tactics in a cold war; strained and in constant fear."

"Maybe that's how turians just look when they give goo-goo eyes, Shepard? Did you ever think of that?"

Shepard grins wide. "_Maybe_ I should record how you look at me and send it to that turian actor because, trust me Garrus, turians _can_ give goo-goo eyes."

Garrus flares his mandibles, slightly embarrassed, until Shepard falls over laughing. "What the hell?" She reads the visors display. "'Hurt Me Deeper', _Best of Expel 10_, dance mix? Oh, god do you _dance _to this? Oh my god you do, don't you?" She's back to laughing. "This is terrible, Garrus. Just awful."

He knows some of them aren't the best songs, but he uses their quick beats to keep him alert on long stake outs. He feels that information might sour her happy mood, so he keeps it to himself. Placing their armor down on the floor and he sits down on the edge of the bed and Shepard moves to him; draping her leg over his and pulling the covers over her shoulders as she leans on him.

She scrolls to another song and then another. She stops on "Bang, Bang, Boom" in his top ten most played songs, and calls the title corny but admits she likes it. She holds the visor in her lap as the song blares, her thumb running over the names carved on the inside. She doesn't ask about them—as she has surely seen them—but lets it be as they sit there, listening to music.

* * *

"What's up, Shepard?" Garrus asks with his scope trained on the window of Omega's newest up and coming slave trader, who likes to have lunch in his office at the same time each day.

Shepard gives a sigh that is easily picked up from the comm. "I just got a message from Aria. She wants to meet with just you and me. I don't know why, but I _guess_ we should go see what she wants."

Garrus frowns. "The only time Aria talked to me was to warn me to stay out of her affairs."

Shepard chuckles. "Did she give you the 'there's only one rule and that's don't fuck with Aria' speech?"

Garrus grins. "Yeah. But I also got 'you can fuck with me in _another _way' come on. She was practically glued to my side."

"… That bitch."

"Aw, don't be jealous—"

"Why didn't she hit on me?"

Garrus nearly drops his rifle as he holds in his laugher. "What?"

"Why didn't she hit on me? I'm pretty _and_ I'm pretty badass. And that's an awesome combination."

"I think you need to add pretty crazy to that list…"

"And how can an asari not like all of this?"

"Again, I'm going to refer back to the crazy."

The door to the office room opens and a human male, matching the description Garrus had read a few hours ago, walks in. Garrus lets his visor do all the normal scans, checking bio read outs and making sure there aren't any surprises waiting for him. Once sure that this is the guy, Garrus waits for the right moment.

"I'm not crazy. But if she _does_ happen to hit on you today in front of me, I may have to shoot her ass."

"You're just looking for an excuse."

"Maybe." She laughs and the sound makes his heart beat contently. "When do you want to meet with her?"

The human sits in his chair and turns to look out his glass window, a happy smile on his face.

When will they learn bulletproof glass doesn't mean indestructible? Not when his has mods on his sniper not even Omega's extensive black-market can top.

Garrus shoots. The kickback is almost too much for him to control, but he does. The bullet pierces the glass and the human's head is gone in the explosion of thunder.

"Now," Garrus says while standing. "We can meet her now."

Shepard is quiet on her end and he wonders if she's hung up, until she sighs out, "Alright, I'll meet you there in twenty."

* * *

As Garrus approaches Afterlife he sees that Shepard has already arrived. He looks at her through his helmet and he can see the thing they've been avoiding in her eyes. What they've refused to talk about.

She's disappointed in him. She doesn't approve of Archangel and his work. But she's been holding her tongue, something very unlike her.

Garrus can't stop, not now. Not after how far he and his team have come. All the work and sweat and blood they've spilled. He may have started this to honor her memory, but now it's about cleaning Omega. About purging it. So there is at least one decent place in this fucked up galaxy.

But how long can he really keep this up? Even his team has shown a desire to stop, to have lives after this. When they started, they all only lived in the day—lived from mark to mark—and now they talk of having good, decent lives on the extra creds that have been stacking up.

He can always find more to join him, he reasons. It's just… he's starting to understand their sentiment. Before, he couldn't understand why they would want to quit after coming so far but… he hates to admit his short time with Shepard means more to him than he can describe. That the days he falls asleep and wakes up with her at his side are the brightest and best he's ever had. That having her think less of him in anyway eats at him.

He wants to make her proud. He wants to make her happy. And he knows he can't do that on Omega. But he doesn't know what's waiting for him outside of this station. The life of Garrus Vakarian is one that he left in shambles. His job at C-Sec, his candidacy for the Spectres, his family ties… he just fucked it all up and left.

Hell, he stopped responding to his father's messages over a year ago. His mother and sister's sometime after that.

So what does he really have but this place? What can he do but try and make Omega better?

Shepard's not his. What they have is something he knows will be short lived, like everything else in his life. He knows he rushed it with their meeting in Afterlife and that Shepard has been humoring him to a degree. She's been so patient with him. When he wakes in the middle of the night, shaking from the things he's seen, she's there, pulling him close and whispering softly to him.

When he pulls at her with a need to just touch her, to quiet the fear that she's not actually there, she is always willing.

Garrus is afraid that everything is too one sided, but he does not know how to give back.

* * *

Afterlife is the same as ever as they make their way to Aria.

"Archangel," Aria coos, her head tilted back and her eyes hooded. "Good to see you're well. I never understood why you felt the need to hide that handsome face of yours under that helmet." Then she spares a glance at Shepard and shortly says, "Shepard."

Shepard has her best 'commander' look on her face, but Garrus can practically feel the rage oozing from her. "Aria," she says just as shortly back.

Seeing that the two women had begun a starting contest, Garrus clears his throat and asks, "Is there something you want, Aria? Or do you just enjoy making people drop everything and come running when you call?"

Aria breaks eye contact with Shepard and looks at him. "Of course I do. But I do have something to discuss with you two… love birds."

Garrus narrows his eyes at her comment. Now that he thinks about it, why would she send the message to just Shepard if she wanted to meet with them both? Why was she so sure Shepard would pass word to him?

Both he and Shepard are quiet and Aria smirks. She stands with fluid grace and walks to her right, where she taps a section of the wall. A vid screen appears and Aria steps away.

Garrus can feel a low growl vibrate in him. Shepard's face is impassive as she watches.

Shepard's standing by a railing wearing common human clothes, but he can make out a bulge at her hip that shows she is armed. Below her is a brightly lit food district and the multitude of florescent lights are drowning out her skin in an array of competing colors. There is a gentle draft coming from below, ruffling her clothes and hair. Garrus knows this… this was from two weeks ago.

It's hard to believe it's only been three and a half weeks since Shepard came back into his life, as it feels like so much longer.

The Shepard on screen smiles before turning and Garrus emerges from off camera. He's dress in civilian clothes and he is without his visor and helm, so no one will know him as Archangel. They embrace; arms wrapping tight around each other and clearly not caring who sees. They break apart and Garrus hooks his arm over her shoulder and they walk away.

The vid cuts to them sitting on a patio of one of Omega's small restaurants, eating and laughing. Then cuts again to them walking away with Garrus' arm at her waist this time and her head on his shoulder. And after that it keeps cutting to different days and different times of them together. It's clear Garrus' counter measures worked with his hideout, as there are no vids of anything near his home. But the fact things go dark as they near the Zima District cannot have missed Aria's notice.

Aria hits the screen and the vid pauses.

"You get the idea," she says as she settles back down onto her couch. "When I said I was Omega, I meant it. Nothing escapes my attention. _Nothing_."

Garrus has a feeling there's one more video she's not showing them.

"I think Cerberus might not be too happy if this happens to surface, oh, say on the extra-net tomorrow? Or even the Alliance. I've heard humans are still a little hurt about that _incident_ with the turians." Aria looks at him. "It would be a shame if your _girlfriend_ was blacklisted from every organization out there because you couldn't keep _it_ in your pants."

Garrus knows without a doubt what she's talking about. Of _course_ she has cameras in Afterlife.

"Is there audio?" Shepard asks, her face like stone. Clearly Shepard knows too.

Aria smirks. "No, but it's _very_ clear what you two are doing."

It takes all of Garrus' willpower not to pull his gun and do what he's been avoiding for so long and kill the queen. So what if she's keeping the place from _completely_ falling into chaos?

Shepard takes a quick look at him and then looks back at Aria.

"Well, knock yourself out then," she says and turns away to leave.

"I'm not bluffing," Aria growls after her and Shepard stops.

Slowly the commander turns, giving the asari a look that could kill. "I know. I just don't care. Do your worst Aria, just be sure you're ready for mine."

A cold mocking laugh follows them as they leave and Aria's next words send an odd chill down his spine. "Watch yourself Archangel. That girl of yours will get you _killed_."

* * *

Outside the club Shepard pushes him into a vacant ally and he stumbles as she shoves him against a wall. He's ready for her to lash out at him, to tell him he's fucked up big time. But she pulls at the latch of his helmet, removing it, before she grabs his fringe and pulling him in a hard kiss.

"This isn't your fault, Garrus."

She kisses him again, gentler this time.

"This isn't your fault."

But it still feels like it is.

* * *

Garrus walks Shepard back to the _Normandy_ and she grabs his hand before he can retreat.

"We're still docked for a few more hours, why don't you come in? Joker's always asking about you. I think he misses making fun of that stick up your ass."

Garrus shakes his head, not bothering to respond to her joke, and pulls away from her grip. "I should get back. I'll… I'll see you—"

Shepard grabs his hand again a pulls him to her. She doesn't kiss him this time, but presses her head to his. They stand like that for a while.

"Come in," she asks softly and Garrus closes his eyes and nods.

Being on the _Normandy_ is strangely surreal.

Joker is excited to see him and Garrus musters enough energy to joke with his old friend for a few minutes. They make a trip down to see Chakwas before heading up to Shepard's private loft. The Cerberus crew is friendlier than he expected, but he guesses out right glaring at him might not put them in a very good light with their captain.

"This is nice," he says as he looks around her room. The orange light of Omega is beaming in from the skylight above her bed and is casting a warm glow to the room. The blue of her fish tank is almost completely muted to one side and the dark corners of the room seem thick and heavy. She has small office and lounge area before her bedroom section. He stops and stares at the small collection of ships before Shepard wraps her arms around his waist from behind.

Her hands lightly skim his armor before finding the latches on the sides. His chest piece falls away and he turns, letting her remove all of his armor. Shepard places her palms flat on his chest and he walks back until he reaches the bed and he sits, only dressed in his under-suit.

Her face is unreadable as she strips off her own armor and then her under-suit, leaving only her undergarments. She presses her knee on the bed between his legs and leans her weight on it as one hand cups his mandible and the other braces herself on his shoulder. She kisses him. It's a sweet touch that's barely there. Her eyes soften and Garrus feels his heart race and she touches her head to his.

"Garrus," she sighs and smiles. "I think we need to talk about us." Her mouth ghosts over his and she leans more heavily on him. "Make sure we're on the same page." She's straddling him now. "I like you Garrus. I like you a lot. And even though I wish you would stop what you're doing and… do something else. Anything else." She sighs. "I'm not about to give you up. I've lost so much and you make…." She sighs again and buries her face in his neck. "You make me happy." There's something hot and wet on his neck and his heart clenches.

"You make me happy, damn it. And if, at the end of all this, the Alliance doesn't want me back because we got caught on camera, well screw them." She is kissing his neck. "Screw them."

He hugs her to his chest and nips her shoulder, sorry for what his has done, but not willing to trust his voice. He knows what the Alliance means to her. It's her life, _was_ her life.

Shepard finds the zipper to his suit and pulls it down, kissing and licking his skin and plates as they are exposed. With his suit off she settles between his legs and for a moment he's confused until she licks at his closed plates. He jerks back but she persists, holding his hip spurs and lapping hard, forcing her tongue between the groves.

"She-Shepard, s-stop. You don't h-have to, _ah_," he moans, near falling back as his plates shift and she finally has access to him.

Hot pleasure rockets through him. It feels good, better than he could have imagined, and the sight of Shepard doing it to him only increases his ecstasy more.

She pulls away as he nears his climax and the smirk on her face makes his blood boil.

"Tell me, _Archangel_," she says tauntingly as she walks around to the side of the bed, pulling off her bra and panties. She slips onto the bed and leans back, legs closes and arms stretched above her head. "Do you still want me?" Her eyes darken and she whispers, "Do you still want me, Garrus Vakarian?"

"Yes," he growls, crawling on the bed towards her, aching to finish what she started.

She smirks again. "Then I'm yours."

His mouth slams to hers as he pulls her legs apart and thrust into her. The pace is brutal but they both couldn't care less. All he knows is that she's his and he will never let her go. That there is something for him past being Archangel if he wants it, and, boy, does he want it.

Shepard grips the flat shelf behind her bed as Garrus hooks an arm under her knee and deepens his thrusts. They're both past coherent word but he can make out his name on her lips when she calls out to him, eyes shining with pleasure. It's doesn't take long for them both to find completion, and all it takes are a few soft looks and touches before they're pulling at each other again.

They spend the next few hours in her cabin, until it's time for the _Normandy_ to depart.

"I'll see you when I get back," Shepard says at the airlock and kisses his jaw.

"Aw," Joker coos from his seat. "Aren't you two adorable?"

"Shut it, Joker." Shepard's brow twitches.

"I'm just saying how ridiculously love-dovey you two are—"

"You aimin' for a night in the brig?"

"No, Ma'am, I am shutting up now."

Garrus smiles and presses his mouth to her hair. "Message me when you can."

"I will." She hugs him and he nods at Joker.

"Keep her safe."

Joker gives him a rare serious look and a hard nod before Garrus leaves.

* * *

Aria didn't follow through on her threat, but Garrus makes sure not to interfere with her activities. He also started planning her take down, her crossing him and Shepard was the last straw. Her having any kind of leverage over Shepard would not do well in the long run. Shepard may have acted like she was okay with the idea of never returning to the Alliance, but he'd still rather not have _that_ vid out there. He would tell anyone who ask about him and Shepard, as there was no shame in what they have found with each other, but that act was something private between them that he didn't want tarnished in any way.

And… there was something _different_ between them now. They messaged each other every day, mostly just making sure the other was still in good health. Shepard did message him a few times doing what she called 'sexting,' which was more hilarious than sexy.

Being away from her was hard, but he endured it. There was a bitter taste in his mouth as he continued to work on Omega. Maybe it was time to sit down with his team and listen to what they wanted? To figure out how to let Archangel go and let Garrus Vakarian have his life back, while not letting Omega fall back into its old ways.

Maybe it was time to move on to the next stage of his life?

* * *

Garrus finished his recording. His recount of his time on Omega and his team, the only bit of truth that will survive his death, as he will not let the truth be twisted. He saw what happened after Shepard's death; how without her there the universe told whatever lies they wanted.

Not this time. No, his comrades will not be forgotten, their memories won't be tarnished. Hopefully with this tape Sidonis will be punished.

Lantar. How could he do this? They started this crusade together! From his first day on Omega it's been them carving out a safe place on this hell hole.

The betrayal hurts him deeply. Deeper than Garrus would have liked, as he has been pretending his team was nothing more than a team. That they weren't his friends. That they didn't worm their way into his heart.

But they did and now they're dead.

They looked to him for guidance and safety and _he failed them_.

Erash, Monteague, Mierin, Krul, Melanis, Ripper, Sensat, Vortash, Butler, Weaver.

He failed them.

As much as he hated Shepard for going down with her ship, he now understands why she did. Why she risked her life for Joker's, because to see your men die—your crew, your family—was to live a hollow life. Garrus would have given anything to take their place, even knowing it would break Shepard's heart.

Garrus takes a deep breath and sends his recording on a time lag to Shepard. She'll make things right. She always makes things right.

Then he queues up a call.

A number of minutes pass before a familiar voice answers, "Hello?" For a second Garrus is back on Palaven, shooting bottles in the dying light of the setting sun. So Garrus pops up from his cover and starts taking out the next wave. The bottles shatter easily, one after another.

"Dad." His father is standing over him, his face stern but his words encouraging. Even his long, growing shadow is imposing as it stretches across the ground to him.

There is a sharp intake a breath. "_Garrus_? Is that you?" Never has Garrus heard such relief in his father's voice. It warms him to know he really does care. "What's that noise?" Like the old police chief _doesn't_ know the sounds of a fire-fight.

"Just some target practice." The ground gleams brightly below him with broken glass of all colors; red, blue, purple, green, orange, and nasty mixes of each. "I would call back later, but I don't think I'll be able to. Too many targets."

"… I see." And Garrus knows he does.

Garrus takes out a pretty smart bottle, too smart. It almost made it past his scope. "I just wanted to… hear your voice. I know I haven't been doing my due-diligence as a son and I wanted to see how retirement was treating you. You good?" Garrus tries hard to keep his voice light, and for the most part he can. But he knows his father can read him like a book. He's never been able to keep things from him.

"I'm fine. Forget about that," his father says shortly but Garrus interrupts, something he would have never dreamed of doing years ago.

"Listen, I don't have a lot of time. I wanted to say… you were right about things. A lot more than I gave you credit for. And I'm sorry we butted heads so much." Garrus takes out another line of glass bottles, like his father taught him to, and is still amazed by how easily they break and shatter. Too easily. It is a slaughter at this point.

"I said, forget about that," he growls in the same tone that used to send Garrus heart pounding in fear as a child. "These targets you're practicing on—they're moving fast?"

Garrus chuckles. "So far, not fast enough. But they're learning." Another one makes it too close.

"How are your thermal clips?"

"You know how it is. Could always use a couple more." It's been over a full day cycle since he started this battle. He started taking stims a few hours ago and the house is still loaded with clips. At this rate he has two more days in him at best.

"Work with what you've got, then. You don't stop pulling that trigger until it _clicks_, son. No matter bad things are falling apart around you, as long as you have at least one bullet left, you can still get the job done. Understand?" He says firmly. "You finish up what you have to do there, and then you come on home to Palaven." His tone softens. "We have a lot to sort out."

"Yeah, we do. See you soon then." Garrus swallows a lump in his throat. "Tell mom and Solana I… tell them I send my love."

His father pauses before speaking, his voice heavy with his flanging, "I will, Garrus."

"Don't worry, Dad. I'll see you soon." Again his father's pause is longer than normal and Garrus looks over the edge of his cover he sees the bottles are all lined up in another wave and there are more than ever. But a glint of metal catches his attention and his eyes widen.

"I… I might even bring someone home with me. You'll like her. She's always saving my ass."

"Like now?" His father asks, hopeful.

"Like now," Garrus confirms, with the N7 insignia in his scope.


	3. Only Heroes Die Young

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Marie-Fanwriter

* * *

Chapter Three

Only Heroes Die Young

The body beside her jerks up and Shepard's instantly awake. In the dark Shepard waits, watching to see what he'll do tonight. The first night she slept over he pointed a gun at her. She had to fight every instinct in her body—years of training and experience—not to jump up and disarm him. But she saw him slip the gun into the drawer before they fell asleep this night—her second night—so she waits.

The bed groans with weary protest as he shifts and she hears him suck in a choppy breath. A strange knelling sound echoes in the quiet room for a second before it's abruptly cut off.

Her heart twist and wishes it _was_ the damn gun and not… this.

For a second she considers feigning sleep and sparing them both any ugliness addressing his current state will bring. But….

Shepard sits up and in the dark she can see his outline; hunched over with his hands pressing to his head. He jumps as her arms reach for him. The light of her cybernetic catch in his eyes and for a moment they glow as he turns to her.

"Garrus," she whispers. "Lay back down."

His face is dark again and she wonders what expression is on it. She's been keeping track of them. Each more loaded than the last and each adding a bit of weight in her heart.

She can make out him shaking his head. "I just need some air, Shepard." He moves to leave and Shepard almost lets him. Almost. But the selfish part of her pulls him back down into bed. And it's the selfish part of her kissing the sweet spot on his neck, making his breath hitch. And it's the guilty part of her that pulls his head to her chest and just holds him. Holds him until he grips her tightly back and gently she rubs his back.

She lays them both down and he curls around her; his long, lean body encasing her easily. She kicks the covers away, knowing that the heat between them can become uncomfortable very fast. Her hands stroke his back, lazily fingering between his tough plates to touch the soft skin between. His arms tighten around her.

"Ah!" Shepard gasps as her hips are pulled flush to his and he grinds against her. She tucks her head into his cowl and groans as he enters her.

He doesn't say a word as he rolls her on her back and starts to pump. She's still sore from earlier, from his plates rubbing against her skin, so she gently pushes his chest back as he quickens his pace.

"Not so rough," she says. He freezes and she rolls her eyes. "I didn't say stop," she chuckles.

His head dips to her neck as a hand laces in her hair. His other hand is a gentle touch on her hips and slowly, ever so slowly, he rocks against her. It's a leisurely build and Shepard's panting, clinging to his large form as she comes. Garrus fills her with a breathless whisper of her name and he rolls off of her. They fall asleep soon after.

Every time he wakes in the middle of the night after that, shaking and unsure, he takes her in his arms with a gentle touch he lacks during the day and Shepard never tells him that these moment make her heart swell. That sometimes she's already up before him, because there are demons that haunt her dreams too.

* * *

Shepard walks alone to the Zima wards. More than a few people spare her glances as she goes. A female human, alone on Omega, well that's normally standard prey. Easy prey at that. But she's walked these same flashing, gritty streets enough that everyone knows she's not. She, by all rights, is a predator, a hunter. One that even the scum of Omega know to fear.

And today she's not in a very good mood.

Strangely, there is nothing on these streets for her to lash out at. No muggings or assaults. No gangs loitering or Aria's people patrolling.

Everything is quiet and still.

The people of Omega—the regular people who only want to live good, fair lives—are in mourning. Because today Archangel died. Today the one bright light Omega had was snuffed out, along with his team.

Shepard stops at the blockade before Archangel's hideout. The same blockade she vaulted desperately over only hours ago. Blood and bodies are everywhere. It looks like a war happened here, not the desperate last stand of one man. Even Shepard, with all her years constantly fighting, has to look away from the carnage. Archangel was very fond of head shots, it seems.

The house is worse. Only because of the few good memories she has of it. She lingers at the front door. It's open. It's how they left it. The front shutters are open as well and the house feels too exposed. At her feet is a trail of blue blood that she doesn't look too hard at as she passes.

A flash of orange and a small beep tells Shepard she has a new message. She's tempted to ignore it. It's mostly likely Lawson demanding to know where she's gone _now_. Or it could be Chakwas telling her….

Shepard lifts her arm to read the message, only the sender makes her heart jump. She reads the specs in confusion and sees it was sent on a time delay. And it's not a message, it's a recording.

Even though she is knows it can't be pretty, she hits play.

Gunshots drown out his voice at first, but it's him.

"Just when I think they've run out of bodies to throw at me, the reinforcements arrive." His voice is gorgeous. It's a strange thought, given everything that has happened, but it's true. The sound makes her whole body hum in short lived happiness. "This looks like the end of the run. Garrus Vakarian's last stand." That fact he doesn't use the name Archangel sticks with her. "If this _is_ the end, then this recording is my final reckoning. I'm setting things straight."

Shepard heads into the house, stepping over body after body until she makes it to the kitchen.

"Because when the Omega gangs tell this story, it will all be _lies_. Propaganda they'll use against anyone who dares stand up against their lawlessness. I can't let that happen."

She remembered right. There is a body here. But unlike the others it's cover with a black plastic tarp. She pulls it back and is met with the body of a human woman. Her blond hair is matted with blood and her once pretty face is a smashed mess of bullet holes.

Ripper. She met her a few times. Ex-merc looking for salvation. Shepard hopes she found it.

Shepard removes her omni-tool and pockets it.

"Everything I've done here—everything I've stood for—began long before I came to this damn station. It all started in a hospital room."

Shepard freezes as she stands. She was expecting a recount of Omega, maybe a kill list with the crimes of each target. Not this.

"My mother was a victim of a hit and run. It was the same day I was leaving for the summer on a scholarship, for training with a chance to become a Spectre. I was boarding the shuttle when I got the call she was in the hospital. This was before she was sick. Before hospital visits were the norm." Sick? His mother's sick?

"I panicked, thinking the worse, and rushed to her side. She was hurt, but okay." A soft laugh. "And stubborn. Can't forget stubborn. She tried to make me leave but… I couldn't. Said I had to follow my dream… but what type of person leaves their mother like that? I knew my father wasn't coming. The Citadel was… it was more his home than Palaven. She told him to stay there, not to worry, and so he did. And I couldn't. I couldn't leave like that. And I knew it was time to face the truth, that I couldn't just walk away from my family. That I was an officer's son. That's all I'd ever be."

There is pain in that sentence. It snaps Shepard from her daze and she heads into the living room. This time the trap covers large heap in a corner. Shepard pulls the cover away and her stomach twists. It looks like someone had tried to pull the three mangled bodies apart, but stopped half way through.

A krogan, a salarian, and another human; Krul, Sensat, and Monteague.

She never had the chance to meet the human, going on description of gold color armor alone, but knows he once worked with the Alliance. Shepard was curious how the man had ended up here, so far from Earth, but now she will never get the chance to ask.

The salarian was a decent guy. Shepard got the feeling he was ex-STG as suspected. After meeting Mordin she wondered if all salarians were.

The krogan was… a krogan. Loud, foolhardy, and knew more dirty jokes than Joker could learn in his lifetime.

Shepard takes all three tools and moves on.

"C-Sec… was a disappointment. For both me and my father. Spirits, we were always at each other. Every case file I turned in, every damn report I wrote up, somehow always, _always_, found its way to his desk. Long before I made detective and was even in his unit. But I think that made it worse, me answering to him. I didn't expect favors. No, I knew to expect unnecessary scrutiny. I… I think that made me act as rash as I did. Made me too hotheaded."

Shepard snorts, remembering how 'hotheaded' he really was.

"I knew I messed up when I brought in a suspect, a human named Kishpaugh. He was guilty. But he had influence. Every witness would recant. Evidence would disappear. So I made sure the witness' talked. Made sure the evidence was there." Another chuckle, a bit humorless. "Nothing got past dear old dad. Said he expected more from me. To do things right, or don't do them at all. After that, my father and I steered clear of each other."

He stops and lets out a curse before continuing.

"Then everything changed."

He takes a breath.

"I met Lieutenant Commander Shepard."

Shepard stops and stands on the stairs as she listens.

"I had seen her on the vids. I knew her face, her story. But nothing could prepare me for _her_. I was there when she was initiated into the Spectres. I was a bit jealous, seeing someone else have what I had wanted for so long. She didn't even care. Just shrugged it off like being the first human Spectre was nothing. She wanted Saren and it was just a step closer to getting him. She… she was unstoppable. Nothing, _nothing_, could stand in her way. With her we got things done, all within the confines of the law. She made the ideas of truth and justice more than just words."

Shepard leans back on the wall and slides down. Sitting on the stairs she looks up to where she found him fighting all three damn gangs at once.

No wonder he always failed if that's what he thought of her. If that was what he was trying to emulate. Didn't he see her wings were made of wax?

"I need to talk about her, about Commander Shepard, to explain how I ended up here on Omega. Because this was all for her. Everything was for her. Even… even this recording." He's quiet, just the sounds of his sniper relentlessly shooting in the background.

"I was never a good turian," he laughs. "Never could stand quietly in the background as my superiors worked. Good thing Shepard never liked quiet. She was always talking and never turned anyone away. She welcomed questions. She loved a good challenge. We worked well together." He's quiet again. "I didn't know I fell for her until she died. Didn't know she took my heart until she crushed it. It… wasn't her fault, but I blamed her. Blamed myself too. Thought that if I had stayed on the _Normandy_, stayed by her side… Then they started calling her a liar. Started calling Sovereign a geth—a _geth_!—and her and her crew crazy for saying otherwise. We had proof, but no one wanted to see it. No one wanted to listen. I went back to C-Sec, with an invitation from the Spectre's."

Shoot. Reload. Shoot. Reload. Shoot. Reload. Shoot. Reload. Pause.

"I just couldn't go back."

Shepard runs her hand through her dirty hair. She's covered in blood of all colors, but mostly blue.

Mostly blue.

"So I went somewhere I could actually make a difference. Omega. Everything I'd heard about the place made it sound like a real cesspool. A station full of thugs kicking the helpless. Hell, so I thought it was time someone _kicked_ back. This place was exactly what I needed, back then. And I like to think I'm leaving it far better than I found it."

Her hands are coated and she starts picking at the hard chucks. _Blue_. So much fucking _blue_.

"The only question was where to start. I had a feeling if I waited long enough the answer would _find me_."

A horribly dark laugh.

"It did."

Shepard's hand slams onto her tool, stopping the recording.

Archangel. That was Archangel talking. She's never seen that side of Garrus, only dealing with the kind man she knew on the SR-1, but she'd seen _hints_ of him here and there.

Shepard stands and makes her way to the bedroom. There are no bodies here and she holds her chin high as she walks to the upstairs living room. This room is by far the worse, and not even because of the wide pool of blue at her feet. Bodies are everywhere and she has to pull a few bodies off of the black tarp in the corner. Two pale blue bodies are nestled against each other, faces identical in looks. Mierin and Melanis. Older asari have never sat well with Shepard, but these two ex-Eclipse enforcers never acted like they had any answers. They just tried to make up for their acts as foolish youths. Shepard takes their tools and looks around for more bodies.

At first she wonders if she just doesn't recognize them, but all the others here have armor with their gang logos on them, so she knows it's not that. She searches the house and finds two more bodies near the back door near the main security system key pad.

A batarian and human. Vortash was the first batarian she actually liked and Weaver was ex-C-Sec with the same grudge as Garrus.

Three more to go.

But she can't find them anywhere in the house, not even down in the lower levels.

Maybe… maybe they weren't here? It would have been strange for them all to have been here without Garrus. So maybe the last three are alive? It's crazy how hopeful she is that it's true. But she can think of only one way to be sure.

Shepard leaves the house—as the smell was finally getting to her—but stays close as she hits play on her omni-tool.

"There's this club, Afterlife. It's the first thing you see when you depart off the shuttle from the Citadel. It's fitting. Afterlife; the place you go after you die.

"Didn't even finish one drink when, not five feet away, a Blood Pack krogan was ready to smash some turian's skull in. I didn't care what the turian did to piss him off, hell he could have _sneezed_, I just knew one was clearly worse off." He sounds mad. His voice louder than normal.

"The krogan had friends but the turian _wasn't_ as helpless as I first though. After, we talked and we both had the same want to just _do_ something for a change. Omega was just filled with criminals no one could touch. We wanted to make these bastards think twice before murdering someone on the street. I knew if we started, if we proved that we could get things done, people—good people—would start lining up to join us. And looking at the red lights of Afterlife, I knew the name I wanted them to rally behind."

"Archangel."

"It's from human lore. A crew mate told me about them once, long ago." That's surprising, as there was only one person he could be talking about and she didn't know those two were on speaking terms, let alone Williams giving him a crash course in theology. But, looking back, Shepard never traveled down to the cargo-hold much. And when she did go both Ashley and Garrus were model soldiers.

"The name was meant for the team," he goes on. "That each and every one was Archangel. But somehow it ended up being _my_ new name. It worked, though. Once word spread, forming a team didn't take long. Eventually there were twelve of us, including me."

And he talks about them. Each one. Ex-mercs, security consultants, Ex-military operatives, former c-sec agents. There is pride in his voice, for him teammates and the good they did. But his voice grows strained as he talks about them wanting to have lives past Omega. How he didn't understand their sudden change of heart.

"… I wanted to _purge_ it," Archangel huffs about Omega.

When he talks again it's Garrus who sighs out, "Then she came back and broke my single-minded haze. I'm still not sure how Cerberus did it, how they brought her back, if _that's_ what happened. But Shepard was Shepard. She let me see what my team wanted. She let me see a life _after_ Archangel. After the all the fighting finally stopped. She was different. Smiled more than before. Laughed more than before." She does? "I had thought I loved her when she died, but no. Now I know what it's like to hold her and touch her. To keep her safe, if only for a short while… Now I _know_ what it's like."

She wants to stop it the recording, but for some reason she can't move.

"Funny thing is she didn't approve of Archangel. Guess it's _hard_ to argue with that now but I would still do again. The people I helped, if I made their lives better, even in the smallest way… then it was worth it."

He sighs, longingly.

"Shepard, when you hear this know that I mean everything I've said. _Everything_. I'm just sorry I can't give the Collectors hell with you."

It's quiet. No shooting or talking. Shepard has to double check the recording's still playing.

"My own feelings got in the way. I was too blind to see it coming. To see Sidonis' betrayal coming. He lured me away and by the time I caught on my team was either dead or dying."

So, only two more bodies then.

"It was my fault. All of it."

Shepard listens to him blame himself. Listens to him accept his end.

When the recording finally stops, Shepard makes one more round of the house before setting explosives. With the bodies burned, and armor melted, Archangel will hopefully be officially counted among the dead, and not just rumors the gangs are passing around.

Shepard's near Gozu District as the station violently rocks. She doesn't look back as the building catches fire.

* * *

Shepard sighs as she cuts the connection to the Illusive Man. She had barely paid attention to what he wanted and she knows she will need EDI to play back the meeting's audio files later just to make sure she didn't miss anything vital. The Illusive Man had to have seen her distraction, and she found it odd he didn't call her out on it. Maybe he knows why? With EDI, Lawson, and Chambers all giving him reports on her, he has to know the cause.

"Commander."

Shepard near jumps as she turns to see Taylor standing in the corner, and she wonders how long has he been there.

"Jacob," Shepard hopes her voice doesn't betray her surprise.

"I just wanted to inform you on Archangel's—I mean Garrus Vakarian's—status."

Shepard feels her heart clench, but reasons anything big, life changing, would have come from Chakwas or Mordin, so she nods at the man to go on. The door slides open as Jacob's talking and the man quickly salutes and leaves as another slowly walks in.

Garrus takes a moment to look around the room; at the plain white walls with the orange logo, to the table in the center, and everything in-between, leaving her for last.

His blue eyes meet hers and she _can't_ help it. She's just been so worried and it's been taking its toll on her holding it in.

Shepard smiles, relief bubbling in her, and she can feel tears swelling in her eyes. Damn, she's never been one for emotional displays, but it is _Garrus _standing in front of her and she's never been happier to see him.

Garrus seems surprised by her reaction and slowly reaches for her, but stops short. He drops his hand to his side and clenches it into a fist. He looks away and she can see the shame in him. The blame he is carrying on his shoulders.

'_This was all for her.' _

And she wonders how much of that blame is on her.

* * *

They managed a joke or two between them before Garrus rushed off to the Forward Battery. Shepard wondered why he picked that area of the ship, as the Hammerhead down in the cargo hold seemed more his style.

For the first three days she saw nothing of him. They had dextro supplies already onboard from when they were first trying to recruit Archangel, so there was enough food for him to eat.

The first night Shepard expected him to come knocking at her door. They'd never been apart for too long when they were both in the same place, so with him on board she full expected him to share her space. So it was a strange thing when he didn't show.

EDI told her he had pulled a cot from storage and was sleeping in the battery. Also, that the guns were running at an all-time high.

Shepard had just laid there awake all night, not wanting the dreams to start. The ones that echoed in her head when she was alone. The ones that Garrus quieted with his arms wound tight around her and his hot breath on her neck as they slept.

But they came. Every night they came and robbed her of a good night's sleep.

Chambers said night terrors were expected given her… experiences. Shepard wasn't foolhardy enough to convince herself not to talk to the red-headed shrink, but Shepard wondered how much good it was really doing. She didn't trust Kelly. Not enough to be honest like she needed to be. So when the woman asked if the dreams were about her death, Shepard said no. That she couldn't remember dying.

And Chambers believed her.

* * *

It's on her fourth sleepless night with Garrus onboard that she gets word of Horizon and Mordin assures they are ready to finally face _them_. To face the Collectors.

Mordin explains the details and Shepard absorbs every word. She needs everything to go right, because this is literary the very reason she exist right now. Fighting the Collectors is why she is alive.

This is why she is alive.

* * *

"Garrus," Shepard calls as she enters Starboard Observation. She's never come here before, as she's never had a reason to. It's nice and roomy, and she looks around as she walks up to the back of the couch Garrus is sitting at.

There are things they need to talk about, she still needs to give him the omni-tools she collected, but right now just wants to talk to him before rushing off to face something that has already killed her once.

He turns his head slightly, looking at her from the corner of his eye. The excitement of a new mission is still flowing in her so she hops over the back of the couch and lands seated next to him.

"Shepard," he greets before turning to look back out the window.

Shepard frowns, not sure what to say, before forcing a smile to her face. "I just wanted to see how the crew's been treating you. No one's tried to stone you yet?" She jokes as she slides closer to him.

"Everything's fine. You don't have to worry." He turns and holds her eyes for a long minute before his hand lifts and he lightly touches her knee. "You don't have to worry," he repeats.

Shepard hates the shock of electricity that jolts through her at his touch. It just feels like ages since he's touched her. Since she's felt his hard plates press against her skin.

His hand is gone just as she is about to place hers over his. Her hand lingers in the air before she lets it drop to her side.

Shepard stands and turns to face him, not seeing a point in continuing their conversation in his state. "I'll see you when I get back then." She walks away but, quick as lightning, Garrus is standing next to her, his hand holding her upper arm in a tight grip.

"Where are you going?" His eyes are brighter than normal with the starlight from the large window filling them and Shepard's breath catches in her throat. His eyes have always been attractive to her, long before they started sleeping together. They've always made her knees weak.

"We… have a lead on the Collectors. We should be there in the hour."

There is something wild in his gaze, something that speaks louder than his voice ever could.

He's afraid of losing her.

She turns to better face him and she pries loose his hand. She opens her mouth to speak, to say something reassuring, but Garrus beats her to it.

"No."

Shepard blinks, not understanding completely.

"You're not going."

Shepard narrows her eyes up at the tall turian. "What?" She asks in the most demanding tone she can muster.

Garrus dips his head, challenging. "You're not going."

Shepard places her hands on her hips. She knows he's going through a lot right now, but this is still her ship. "Listen, Vakarian, I know it's been awhile since you've done shit by-the-book, so let me remind you; you don't tell the captain what the fuck she's about to do."

His eyes narrow back and she can hear a low growl coming from his subvocals. He steps closer to her.

"There is no reason for you to go, _Captain_." Only Garrus can make her title sound so meaningless. "You did this back then too. You don't need to run every damn op yourself."

"I go to make sure the job gets done and—"

"You go because you're too _controlling_." He steps towards her again. "You go because you're too damn use to doing everything alone. Because you can't let someone _else_ take charge." He steps forward again and it's only as her back hit a wall does she realizes she's been backing up. Shit. "Think about it, Shepard. Did Anderson go on every ground mission, or did the captain of the ship actually _stay_ on the ship? What about before him too?" He's not touching her, only inches apart, and for some reason her heart is racing. And she swears his damn visor is flickering in time with it.

_Damn cheater. _

"Reckless, Shepard. You're too damn reckless. And I'm not about to let you go and get yourself—" his voice breaks for a second and his eyes clench in pain. And suddenly Shepard understands what he needs. He needs to let the anger out. He needs to be mad at someone other than himself. It's eating at him, and while she wants to make thing right with him, she's starting to see this isn't something _she_ can fix. This is something Garrus needs to do himself.

That only Garrus can fix the mess Archangel made.

But she can give him a way to vent for the moment; to ease the pain before he learns to deal with it. So she'll give that to him, even if that ends what they have.

Shepard squares her shoulders and takes a deep, calming breath. "I'm not reckless, Garrus." She starts. "I'm efficient. I don't let my team go alone. I don't let them out of my sight. _Reckless_ is what happened on Omega. It's what's been happening there for over two damn years. What happened last week was a long time coming."

She hates how much she agrees with what she just said.

Garrus eyes snap wide open. "What did you just say?" His voice is low and dangerous and Shepard represses a shiver. She's always liked danger.

"I _said_ what happened to your team was a long time coming. Or did you expect everybody to come out of that shit-hole in one piece? That twelve fucking people could fight hundreds and live? God Garrus! Do you know how lucky you are to be alive? How lucky you were to last as long as you did?" She is talking about both on Omega in general and in his safe house against the three gangs. It was Shepard's turn to step closer to him, only he doesn't back up and their faces are near touching.

"You want me to play it safe when you've been running around giving every damn body big old 'fuck you's?'" Shepard sneers at him. "Get a grip, Garrus. This isn't about you or me. That's always been your problem, you know? You take everything so damn personal. Like the universe is out to get you. And you know what? I think it is. Because it knows you care. Because it can pick at you and pick at you and, for some damn reason, you let. You let it change you. You let it control you."

"I let it." He barks with disbelief. "I _let_ it? Because here I was, asking myself what a good old dose of betrayal will feel like? Thank the Spirits Lantar had me covered. And you want to know your problem, Commander? You act like you don't give a _fuck_. People die left and right of you and you just shrug it off. Hell, you died. Died. And you've not talked about it once with me. You expect me to believe that doesn't eat at you? That you've gotten over that in a month's time? You _expect_ things to fall apart, just so you're not hurt when they do. But it does hurt. I know it does."

"You _know_?" Shepard laughs. How can _anyone_ know? Last time she checked she was the only damn zombie walking around. "Because you know me so damn well after two years _pining_ for a dead women and one month as fuck buddies?"

Garrus freezes, anger draining from him in a blink of an eye, and Shepard regrets her words, but it's too late.

"I… maybe your right, Commander. Maybe I don't know you. Maybe I don't know _anything_."

Then he's gone.


	4. Babel

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Er, yes and no. It's being edited, but I haven't heard from her in a while, and I didn't like the long gap in updating this, so I'm posting it now. The edited version will hopefully be up sometime later. So some content maybe changed later depending on her feedback, but nothing drastic. :)

**A/N: **I know I jump around a bit in this story time-wise so, just in case it's not clear, the first part is a flashback to the start of ME2.

* * *

Chapter Four

Babel

"_**I know you feel this." **_

The Presidium is the same constant hustle and flow of dignitaries Garrus has grown use to in the last month since his tour on the _Normandy _ended. Nothing spectacular is happening; at most there is the occasional shouting match between politicians to look forward to, but those can be easily handled with a threat to remove both parties _by force_ from the ward (Garrus isn't sure if that threat works because they want to maintain a good public image or if they really just don't want to get their clothes dirty, as they always huff and give hard tugs on their garments before hurrying off. After working for Udina, he's pretty sure it's the later).

Today, though, something in the atmosphere feels _off_. Garrus cannot place his talon on what exactly is causing the feeling—maybe it's how people seem to be moving with less vigor, or the glances that are lasting longer than normal in his direction?—but the feeling it there.

Being back with C-Sec isn't as bad as he remembered and, with his Spectre initiation only a few weeks away, he can't help but be excited. So it is strange that he is feeling so negative right now. Maybe he is staring to stress out about all his new responsibilities? C-Sec wants him to stay on with them, even after becoming a Spectre. It will make it the first time a Spectre's ever (officially) worked for C-Sec (as there has always been tension between the two groups) and while it may not be as flashy as becoming the first human Spectre, it still has the Citadel abuzz. Plus, his father has been hounding him about coming home. If it was about his mother's health Garrus would have jumped on the first shuttle to Palaven, but he knows his father just wants to grill him about everything that has transpired; from Saren, to Shepard, to the Reapers, his father will leave no stone unturned.

So Garrus takes it as a small mercy that he is just patrolling right now, showing two new recruits—human and turian—the ropes. They are both only a few years younger than Garrus and the amount of respect they are showing him feels misplaced. From the way they look at him, hang on his every word, and how they look like kicked varren pups when he berates them, it feels like it should be for someone three times his age. Or someone who actual _knows_ what the hell they are doing and aren't just fumbling around trying to figure things out as they go.

Like Shepard.

Garrus holds back a wistful sigh. Commander Shepard has been on his mind for the last month and he cannot help but feel bad at how lackluster their parting was. After all, he owes her a lot, both his new job and status, and he feels bad he never made plans to stay in contact with her. They'll meet again, he knows this. Being a Spectre even means they may work side-by-side again. Working alone sounds fine but, after serving on the _Normandy_ and operating only in teams, he knows how useful partners can be in a pinch. It's an odd sense of comfort Garrus has never had before knowing he can call someone—be it the commander or even the krogan warlord—as back up and know without a doubt that they'll come.

"Detective Vakarian," a familiar bossy voice calls, breaking Garrus from his thoughts. He stops and so do the two recruits tailing him. Turning around, Garrus sees the same dark haired reporter Kaidan and he had stopped Shepard from assaulting months ago.

"Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News," the woman announces proudly.

"I remember," he states with poorly veiled annoyance. Fully facing her, Garrus is greeted to the sight of her cam-bot hovering obnoxiously close and its red light glaring in his eyes, showing it is already recording. Garrus pulls himself to full height and readies a speech about how it is against C-Sec regulations to record without consent (something he is sure she has heard a dozen time over if his last encounter with her is anything to go by), but there is something wild in the woman's gaze that makes him freeze in confusion. The sense of wrongness he has been feeling all day is amplified ten-fold and, for some inexplicable reason, his stomach gives a violent twist.

The reporter steps closer, into his personal space, and asks with an eager rush of breath, "As having just served on the _Normandy_, what are your thoughts hearing of the attack? With Commander Shepard killed in action, has that changed Citadel Security and the Council Spectre's recent partnership?"

There are a lot of things that can go wrong in Garrus' life at the moment; from him losing his positions at both C-Sec and the Spectres, something as simple as his gun jamming in a fight, and—to the more dreadful thought—his mother's illness finally taking her after years of battle.

Commander Shepard dying is not on that list because Commander Shepard _cannot_ die. It is just something he has seen proven time and time again with every impossible, hopelessly outnumbered fight she has pulled her crew into and seamlessly pulled them back out of.

"What?" Garrus is wary; not sure if he should believe her words but sure she has no reason to lie. He runs her words over in his head as al-Jilani's face turns to something almost predatory.

"You haven't heard?" she says in slight astonishment. Her eyes are bright and piercing as she repeats what he's trying hard to understand. "The _Normandy_ went down from an unknown attacker, taking half her crew and Commander Shepard down with her."

Reading human facial cues is second nature to Garrus', from time with C-Sec and the Alliance, so he sees every emotion that flickers across al-Jilani's face; sympathy for him, a bit of sadness at the galaxy's loss, excitement for the story she is getting, and something darker that he is starting to realize everyone—every-damn-one—has lurking beneath the surface.

It is that darkness that makes her lips twitch as she attempts to hold back her smile. That makes her keep talking instead of turning away and letting him process the loss of someone important to him in peace.

"This news must be disturbing," she coos in mock sympathy, eyes wild and dark.

And it is that darkness that Garrus later sees everywhere, even when he looks into a mirror.

* * *

"_**This hurts you."**_

* * *

Garrus is the only member of the crew blindsided by the news. By the time Alenko makes it to his small apartment the damage is already done. While they have never been close, the human and turian, once brothers in arms, both spend the night talking; trying to figure out _how_ this could have happened. Joker shows up and Garrus knows better than to blame him for what has happened. Liara comes too, as the survivors of the attack have been brought to the Council to shed light on what took out the _Normandy_.

They do not know what it was—just _not_ geth—and Garrus has nowhere to point the rage slowly and steadily building in him. Has no one to blame but _her_.

_Damn her_, he thinks. Damn her for being so fucking noble. For being so damn good in the end.

And, in his small apartment, surround by people he has come to trust over the last few months, Garrus realizes he was a fool for not saying anything. He was scared of rejection from her. He saw her shoot down Kaidan and Liara and he had no interest in embarrassing himself. But now it is too late. She is gone and he thinks… he thinks he loves her. How the hell that happened, when it happened, he doesn't know. It just did.

_It's just a crush_, he had reasoned on the ship_, it'll pass._

Love is something else entirely.

Maybe if he said something, stayed with her instead running off as soon as the mission was over….

How can he love a dead woman?

* * *

"_**You will know pain."**_

* * *

_Fuck buddies. _

Is that all he is to her? Why would he be more than that, given how they started? Her actions and words so far have shown that she wants more from him, _with_ him. But what she said, even if it _was_ just the heat of the moment, cuts deep in an already open wound.

He had hoped, but now… now….

* * *

"_**Hope is irrelevant."**_

* * *

Shepard looks shocked as Garrus enters the cargo-bay, suited up for the ground mission to Horizon.

"I didn't know _Archangel_ was joining us for this mission," Lawson says, distain clear in her voice as she crosses her arms. Ever since their first meeting the dark haired human woman hasn't liked him very much. He wonders _why_.

Shepard's surprise is gone and she pulls her best 'commander' look on. He wonders what she'll say as she levels her gaze on the XO.

"Yes," she confirms. "Considering we have no damn idea what we're about to face, I think the more the merrier," she easily lies and this time Garrus has to hold in his surprise. He expected more of a fight from her, but she has never been one to lose face in front of her crew, and another fight with him so soon might not end in her favor.

"In fact," she goes on as she looks from Lawson, to him, and to Dr. Solus. "EDI, tell Taylor and Goto to suit up. They're coming groundside too."

As they wait for the last two to show Shepard slips close to him, anger flashing in her bright eyes. "We are going to talk about this later, Garrus," she warns through gritted teeth.

Garrus keeps his face expressionless as he gives her a level stare. "Of course, Commander. Whatever you say." She narrows her eyes before turning away.

He does not care how mad she is at him, or if he _was_ just a fling to her, he is not about let her jump into hell without him at her six.

* * *

"_**You will regret your resistance."**_

* * *

"Well that was _fun_," Kasumi says, lacking a great deal of her normal gusto. Everyone else is silent as they watch the Collector's ship disappear into the wide blue sky. They keep staring as the massive ship becomes a black speck against pale cerulean and even after it vanishes completely from their sight.

Garrus approaches Shepard's back. He has kept a cool head throughout the mission, easily falling in line with his old CO, and not once did he act unprofessional. But now that the mission seems to be drawing to a close he finds he can no longer block out the sound of the Collectors, the _Reaper_, calling for her, gunning _solely_ for her. Every time Shepard so much as poked her head out of cover the Collectors honed in on her with disturbing accuracy and consistency.

'_If I must tear you apart, I will.'_

Garrus suppresses a shudder. He will die before he lets those bastards touch a hair on her head. Shepard doesn't seem outwardly bothered, but he noticed she moved closer to him as they watched the disappearing ship, and even now she lingers close to his side. Just within arm's reach and hand only inches from his.

A colonist shows up a few minutes later, the one they found hiding earlier, and Shepard ignores the man as he yells at her; she is still staring at the empty sky streaked with white from the ship cutting across it, her face devoid of emotion. It is Kasumi that diplomatically cools the man's tempter with honey words surely learned from her profession.

Garrus is slightly caught off guard as Shepard starts speaking; her voice so low he almost didn't hear her with Kasumi and the man still talking. "Garrus…" she whispers, voice softer than the breeze ruffling her hair and carrying her scent to him. "About earlier, on the ship, I'm—" she cuts herself off and he hears her breath hitch. "_Kaidan_."

For a second Garrus is glad to see the man. Kaidan has a happy smile on his face that Shepard quickly adopts as her own. _Good_, he thinks with real sincerity, _she needs to know not everyone will turn their backs on her_. Garrus even moves away to give them space as Kaidan pulls Shepard into a tight hug.

They start talking and the biotic's demeanor drastically changes; his body becomes coiled and tight, with the promise of a harsh jungle storm echoing in his dark eye. Then, with words that could only hurt from someone she holds close to her heart, Kaidan calls her a traitor and Shepard's eyes widen. Garrus hears the small, pained gasp she makes and sees her shoulders drop, almost in acceptance, and his body jolts like it's been blasted with electricity.

_Traitor_? That bastard thinks Shepard's a traitor? Alenko has no fucking clue what that word even remotely means if he's calling _Shepard_ that. Garrus knows what it means. He knows too damn well what it means and Shepard's not one. No, she's the one damn good thing that the galaxy has. That _he_ has.

Blind rage fills him and the next thing Garrus' knows Kaidan is on the ground with a bloody nose. Garrus isn't sure what's happening; only that he's _mad_. Mad at Kaidan for hurting Shepard, mad at Shepard for not seeing what Garrus has been offering her, mad at himself for failing his team, mad at Sidonis….

Really _fucking_ mad at Sidonis.

Thing are fuzzy and his head is pounding. Pain erupts on the right side of his face as a hard hit land there. Like a good solider Kaidan is going for his weak points and Garrus can hear himself snarl in a way no well-bred turian would ever do in public. He has never been a good turian and the next sound he makes is less acceptable than the last.

There is a horrid warping sound ringing in Garrus' ears and both Kaidan and he are pried apart. Kaidan flares his own biotics, trying to break the hold, but from the corner of Garrus' eyes he can see that both Miranda and Jacob are combining theirs to hold them apart.

Someone is yelling and, once the pounding in his ears dies down, he can tell it is Shepard. What she's saying is beyond him, but just the sound of her voice is remarkably soothing.

With his feet firmly on the ground Shepard pulls him by his arm, telling the rest of the crew to stay and make sure the remaining colonists are fine, and for Mordin to patch Kaidan up. The commander pulls him into an empty housing building and she whirls on him, looking _furious_.

And beautiful. But, then again, she always looks beautiful to him.

He kisses her in the middle of 'What the fuck'. Shepard makes an angry hiss and moves to push him away, but he pushes her back first, his body still humming from adrenaline and his reactions faster. She hits the wall behind her as he advances on her, eyes never leaving hers.

"Don't fuck with me, Vakarian," she growls, voice low and incredibly dangerous. Garrus shivers at the heat in her eyes. It has been to long since he's touched her, since he's held her. The fuzzy haze that's been over him, not just now but for the past week, is finally lifting and he knows it is because of the fire in _her_. Bright and all consuming, burning away the mist and flooding his veins, making him feel _alive_ again. There is no one in the universe than makes him feel like she does; no one has even remotely come close.

"Don't tempt me, Shepard," he warns with a voice smooth as silk as his eyes drinks in the sight of her. There is a pleasing flush to her cheeks he's come to admire and her soft, lush lips shimmer as her tongue darts out to wet them. Her eyes watch his and she shivers as her heartbeat sky rockets and her pupils dilate. His own body surges with heat seeing her reaction and he knows she's turned on, his visor guarantees it.

Shepard stands taller, her face only inches away and her hot breath washing over him, and sneers, "Tempt you? To do what? What will _Archangel_ do? Last I checked he was all alone locked in the damn battery. He doesn't seem worth my time anymore."

Garrus almost laughs. Damn, she really does know how to push his buttons, huh? A part of him is pleased she knows him well enough to be able to, and another is pleased he can push hers in return just the same.

Garrus lightly shoves her to the wall again and quickly turns her so her armored chest is pressed to it. A small, excited gasp escapes her before she can stop it as he pulls her arms behind her and pins her hard to the wall. Garrus finds his breathing is becoming hard to control as he moves his mouth next to her ear and slowly licks the delicate shell. It earns him a deep, needy moan she tries, and fails, to hold in. Shepard twists her head back and glares at him with one eye as he rocks his hips against hers, the sound of armor hitting armor loud in the empty room.

"Don't you even think of doing something here! Getting caught once wasn't enough?" she yells with increasing strain in her voice as Garrus drags his mouth across her cheek and frees a hand to turn her head more to him, so he can press his mouth firmly to hers. He wonders if her reaction is automatic as she doesn't hesitate to open her mouth to him.

She's right. He should back away and wait until they are back on the ship. Aria's still a loose-end dangling precariously over them. It's just he's… afraid. Afraid of a lot of things; of all the ways he can lose her. Of all the ways they can let each other down. Of all the things—so many blasted things—that can go wrong at any moment. So, just for right now, he doesn't want to think of any of them.

"Then you better keep quiet," he states as he breaks the kiss and slips his free hand down the front of her armor. He knows where her clasps are and, in seconds, the metal hits the ground hard. He pulls his glove free with his teeth and his hand darts between her legs. Her eyes widen and her body shivers against him in anticipation, even as she tries hard to keep a glare on her face.

"Garrus you, _ah_, you… bastard…_oh_," Shepard gasps, her back arching as he rubs her through her suit. Slipping a digit between her suit's slit, he feels she's ready for him and finds he doesn't have it in him to tease her today. Her head presses against the wall and she gives a guttural moan as he pushes his long finger as deep as he can. "_Garrus_," she pleads with nothing but want in her voice and his armor is now becoming very painful.

Garrus releases her wrist to undo his armor and Shepard doesn't move, only braces her hands on the wall and waits. She presses back against him as he grabs her hips and he gives them a firm squeeze.

"Do you want me?" He can't help it. Their time together in her loft means more to him than he can stand and he wants to believe that they really are more than just 'fuck buddies'.

Because she makes him happy _too_, because she….

"Yes," she repeats his response, only he doesn't give her the relief she gave him. He holds himself only an inch from entering her, her heat overwhelming and familiar.

"Good," he growls. "I want you to ache for me, Shepard. Like I do for you." He leans forwards and nips at her neck. "Every minute of every day."

"I do." Her hands tighten into fists against the wall. "I already do. You're an idiot if you can't see that." Her head's still pressed to the wall and she turns slightly to look at him with one bright eye. "I meant it when I said I was yours, Garrus." Spirits, she has beautiful eyes.

It is as he's pressing himself inside her that he wants to say it. He knows she has heard his recording, so she's heard him admit it once. But he _needs_ to say _it_, because today showed they really are in some deep shit.

While he may have spent two years pining for a dead woman, he's spent the last month falling _hard_ for a living one. Turians are not an emotional breed in general, and because of that they have learned to trust their feelings; to trust their instincts. So Garrus knows what he feels now is real.

He loves her, but he knows it's not mutual. Not yet. So he holds the words in for another time.

He starts thrusting and Shepard cries out, her body trembling as he gives her all he's got. Her breath is coming out in hard, fast puffs and soon his is the same. Garrus steps back and pulls her slightly from the wall, taking more of her weight into his hands. Her hands slip down as he moves, clawing at the wall as he drills into her and gouging long marks into it with her armored gloves.

She reaches back with one hand, to ease his pace maybe, but his hand grips her wrist and he pulls them both back farther, until only her free hand is touching the wall and she's bent fully over. He's holding her hip as she rocks on her feet, freely pounding into her with no restraint, spurred by the wonderful sounds she is making and his name, only his name, on her lips. She comes with him still going strong and it's not until her second climax that he joins her.

They're both panting as he pulls her upright and she turns to him. They look at each other as they catch their breath and he is caught off guard by the half-smile that suddenly pops on her face, and even more by the light laugh she lets out.

Gently she cups his wounded cheek and he leans down to press his head to hers. Her smile widens and her eyes twinkle as she says, "You're in so much shit, Garrus. _So much_. A thresher maw couldn't dig its way out."

* * *

"_**You are arrogant, you will learn."**_

* * *

Once dressed, Shepard _rips_ into him. He's never heard one person use so many curses in his life (other than Wrex, maybe). Human, krogan, asari, turian, quarian, and he's pretty sure there is hanar in there too. At one point Garrus is actually _scared_. Scared, not because she's the captain, but because he is _sure_ she's planning something. No one pisses off Commander Shepard and gets away with it for long. No one.

"And I swear to the motherfucking Spirits I will rip off your fringe and use it to stab a Collector in the eye if you do that shit again. I already have to deal with the whole crew acting like this is a god damn space cruise and I'm their jolly fucking tour guide. I don't need your quad-less ass starting fights on rescue missions. With someone we're rescuing! And Goddess' be damned if you say you were defending my honor, because I'm not a lady and you're no fucking gentlemen."

Hmm, stay quiet and not piss her off more, or… "I do remember you saying my visor's like a monocle once."

Shepard looks crossed between laughing and punching him. Mostly punching.

"And I am quite dashing." Hell, if he's going down, he might as well go in style. "Even with the scars—_Especially_ with the scars."

"You… are… _infuriating_," she hisses out between clenched teeth. "You worry me fucking sick for days and now you just _keep pissing me off_?" She turns and stomps away. "You're going to pay for this, you asshole!" She looks back and glares. "_Pay_."

Oh, yeah, he's scared.

Defiantly scared.

Damn, it's just to fun to mess with her sometimes. Plus, she's safe for the time being, and he rather have her angry at him than dwelling on their last mission. Something he wishes he could stop thinking about.

* * *

"_**You escaped us before, not again."**_

* * *

Shepard's fury dies down a bit as they regroup with the ground crew. Her eyes immediately fall on Kaidan and Garrus prepares himself for whatever is about to happen, because the biotic still looks angry. Mordin is hovering over him, muttering something about Kaidan's implant not being efficient, but Kaidan brushes the doctor aside as he walks towards them with firm strides. Jacob and Miranda both shuffle closer with stiff shoulders and Kasumi lets out a long sigh. There are colonists around to, looking lost and heartbroken. Looking expectantly at them—all of them—and Garrus feels the weight of another failure on his shoulders.

"So is this why you didn't come to the memorial service? Why you disappeared?" Kaidan quietly demands, looking past Shepard to him. "You _knew_ she was alive?"

"Memorial…?" Shepard mumbles in surprise as she looks between them. "I… had a _funeral_?"

Kaidan looks at her. "Not just you. Everyone who _actually_ died had a service." His hands tighten into fist.

Garrus takes a deep breath and asks, "Do you _actually_ want to know, Kaidan? Or are you just going to hear what you want to hear?" He moves to stand at Shepard's side. "She already told you what happened, why we are working with Cerberus, but all you heard was 'Cerberus'. Did you hear the part about her dying? About the Collectors? Are you that damn blind?"

Kaidan narrows his eyes and counters, "And are you really _that_ gullible, Garrus?"

"Enough," Shepard says, stepping closer to Kaidan and turning so she can easily see them both. "If you don't believe me about my death, that's fine. If you want to believe I've been dicking around with the Cerberus for two years, _fine_. But you can't pretend like the Collectors aren't a threat." She waves her hand at the colonist hovering off to the sides. "Not when these people just lost their families and friends. It's up to you to make sure the Alliance doesn't turn a blind eye to this, Kaidan. Understood?"

Kaidan bristles at her tone. "It's _Staff Commander_ _Alenko_ now. And _we_ will not be ignoring this." He looks pointedly at her crew. "Any of this."

Shepard gives a small huff and a strange lopsided smile. "That's all I ask, Commander."

* * *

"_**You cannot escape your destiny.**__**"**_

* * *

Like a fool it takes Garrus hours after returning to the _Normandy_ to think about Shepard and her endless curiosity, and he's rushing from the battery to the elevator as he does. The lock on her door is green and he enters without knocking and no objection from EDI.

But it's too late to stop her.

The room is dark with the fish tank's soft glow lighting the room. The shutter to her skylight is closed and the only other light is from her computer's screen, which Shepard is sitting in front of. She's mostly undressed, looking like she had pulled off her armor and undersuit and stopped at that. Her knees are drawn up to her chest as she sits with her arms around them. He can't see her face, only the stretch of her undershirt across her back.

"Why didn't you go?" Her voice sounds far off and tired in the dark room. Past her, the screen lets out a sharp pop, then another and another: gun shots, human tradition for fallen soldiers.

"Why didn't you go to my funeral?"

More shrill pops and then a song starts to play. The song has always sounded horribly off key to him.

"The human networks think it's because of a grudge from the First Contact War," she starts. "The turians think it's because human ceremonies are unnecessary and too showy. The salarians think you had something more important to do with your time. The asari—"

"Think we had a secret affair, as there were rumors that you hooked up with a crew member. It was between Liara and Kaidan, until I didn't show up. And that interview didn't help," Garrus interrupts as he leans back on the wall right behind her. "I know what they said. All of them." He never regretted not going. Not even now. There was nothing there but an empty casket, after all. "Five days before your funeral the Council officially stated that it was geth that attacked the Citadel and the _Normandy_. Three days before, they released a statement saying you were suffering from mental episodes and that you would see _hallucinations_. The day before they called you a liar… I was on a shuttle off that station the next day."

Shepard is quiet as her hand reaches out and pauses the video. "What interview?"

Garrus shakes his head, but stops once he remembers she's not looking at him. "It doesn't matter. None of this does. You're alive, Shepard. _That's_ all that matters."

She gives a soft laugh. "Am I, Garrus? How can I be sure? How do I know this isn't limbo? Isn't hell? That I'm not about to spend eternity fighting something I'll _never_ beat?" She stands suddenly and faces him. Her eyes like stone and her face blank, but that façade quickly breaks as her eyes meet his.

"I remember," she states as she turns and looks at the closed skylight. "I know you don't believe it happened, that Cerberus brought me back to life, but I _know_ I died." She folds her arms across her chest and ducks her head, like she trying to retreat inside herself. It strikes him hard—how small she looks, how lost and far off she sounds—and he can only stand there frozen as she finally tells him her fears.

"I suffocated, clawing at my suit, hoping that for once, for fucking once, someone would _save_ _me_ for a damn change. And what did I get? I'm nothing but a Cerberus experiment. More monster than human. How can you stand to touch me? To even look at me?"

Garrus' throat is too tight for him to talk, but she's moving before his can even think of a response to her admission. She pulls open a drawer in her desk and takes out a hand full of omni-tool. There are over half a dozen and she hands them out to him.

"I've been meaning to give these to you. I went back and… cleaned up. I didn't what any families they have being targeted. I couldn't find Bulter or Erash…"

And just like that he knows the opening she gave him is gone, that she will not speak about her troubles again, not when she's set on taking care of his.

"They… were on the bridge and they… fell." His throat feels thick, like he's seconds from suffocating (the comparison only makes him think of her death and he feels a wave of guilt at it) and he numbly takes the tools. Shepard nods in understanding and his mind is a mix of thoughts. He didn't even think of going back and covering their tracks. Erash has no family he can think of, but Butler has a wife and young son….

Shepard speaks up and says, all business, "We can head back. Now that you're better I'm sure there are some loose-ends you need to deal with," before he can ask.

Sidonis pops into his head, but he knows that's not what she means.

"Yeah, there are."

They stand there for a while just looking at each other. The weight in his hand reminds him of his commitment to the dead and what he owes them, but he wonders does it out weight his duty to the woman in front of him.

She's strong and he's sure, with time, she'll handle her problems on her own, she's Commander Shepard after all. And the dead can't rest—he can't rest—until justice is served.

Garrus turns and heads to the door, knowing what he must do.

* * *

"_**This changes nothing."**_

"_**I am the Harbinger of your perfection."**_

"_**I am unstoppable."**_

"_**Your death is assured."**_

"_**I will find you again, Shepard."**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

"_**I will find you again."**_


	5. Fear to Tread

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Mahiwaga no Megumi

* * *

Chapter Five

Fear to Tread

As Garrus turns away, hands full with the omni-tools of his fallen friends, the expanse of his broad back is as finite as a door closing in her face. Shepard feels her heart drop as she swallows past a hard lump lodged deep in her throat. She has said some nasty things to him in the last day, so how can she expect more from him now? Just because she's the one feeling down she expects… what exactly? Comfort? Companionship? Something that goes against the sandpaper grain of her life?

Maybe _this_ is what _she_ needs? While Garrus needed a way to vent, maybe she needs to be alone? To find something to like about herself on her own and not just use him to forget all the bad feelings that build up inside her when she looks at herself in a mirror. It may be easier to ignore all the doubts she has—about Cerberus and herself—when all she can feel is the wild drum of her heart when he touches her, but it's time for to face her fears. After all, how can she expect people to follow her, trust her with their, when she can't even trust herself?

Pressing her cool hands to her quickly warming eyes, Shepard turns away from Garrus' retreating back, just wanting this day to be over with. Collectors, Reapers, Kaidan, the colonist, she's sick of all of it. For the moment, crawling into bed and sleeping, even for a few short hours before her dreams wake her, sounds heavenly.

She drops her arms to her sides and takes a step toward her bed, only to have long arms come around her waist and stop her. A warm face is pressed to the crook of her neck and Garrus pulls her back into his chest as he mumbles her name softly into her ear.

"Shush," he coos as she sucks in a choppy breath. "I'm not going anywhere."

Closing her eyes, Shepard tries to keep her emotions in check as she speaks with a tight throat, "I don't… you don't need to…"

"I want to," he says quickly and with a hard edge that leaves no room for argument, and for once she loves his stubbornness (secretly she always loved it, but if she ever told him that she would _never_ hear the end of it).

Shepard turns around in his hold and, past him, she sees that the door has been locked. She forces herself to meet his eyes, feeling guilty that she would ever think he would leave her alone after… well, everything they've been through.

"Garrus…" she starts, eyes fluttering at the burn of tears behind them. "I'm sorry… for what I said about… not knowing me. I was out of line—"

"No," he cuts her off with a talon on her lips, "You were right." His large hand cups her cheeks and she feels her body go slack against him at his warm touch. "There is still a lot I have to learn about you, and… I look forward to it." It's impossible to look away from his powerful gaze as he speaks. "Learning everything that makes you laugh and smile, what makes you mad—"

She chuckles, her chest feeling lighter. "You got _that_ one down."

He smiles and presses his head to hers as he continues, "Sad and everything in-between. As long as you let me, I'll be here."

She remembers her words from last time they were in her loft—'_You make me happy'—_and it's true. It's so damn true.

It is her turn to smile as her heart flutters. "Are you sure? I am the jealous type. I might cause a few scenes here and there."

"Hmm, that _might_ be manageable," he says as he rubs his head affectionately against hers, a low rumble vibrating in his chest. "As long as you don't shoot anyone."

"No promises."

Chuckling, he moves back to place the omni-tools on her desk then pulls her into him arms for a deep kiss. It's as her legs hit her bed does she realize he's been moving them towards it and next thing she knows she's on her back with him on top of her. His hard armor digs into her bare skin as he explores her mouth with vigor and she enjoys his weight on her, familiar and comforting. Her bare legs wrap around his narrow hips and she grinds herself into him, the cold metal perfectly smashed against her quickly heating core.

Garrus pulls back, dragging his tongue tantalizingly slow to the shell her ear, and speaks in a voice husky and deep; velvety and oh-so-sweet, "I can stand to touch you, to look at you, because you're _beautiful_."

She freezes, the reminder of her death chilling her and quickly killing her mood. She's oddly aware of the closed skylight above them as she pushes Garrus away. "Garrus…" she starts, but stops, not knowing what to say. She _shouldn't_ have mentioned it to him. Should have kept it locked away; locked away with her dead crew.

The crew that she sees whenever she tries to close her eyes at night. That whisper why did she get a second chance, when all they are now are memories, names etched in steel on a ship they never stepped foot on?

Garrus only moves slightly back at her touch, eyes searching hers, before dipping his head back down to gently nip at the smooth juncture of her neck, but not even his hot mouth can shake the cold she is feeling.

"Garrus… I'm not… maybe I once was… but not now. Not _this_." She's anything but beautiful.

How many people did Cerberus justify killing to bring her back? How many people did they kill the same way she died just to be able to _practice_ on? How many unduly suffered like she did?

_How_ _many_?

"You are," he assures as a hand cups her breast through her top and the other touches her hip. "You are." He pulls her panties off but Shepard slides back. He lets her, but grabs her hips as they become face level and stops her with his hands holding her outer thighs.

Her heart thunders as he pulls her thighs apart and his head dips down.

_Whoa_, is that even safe with his teeth and plates and mandibles and… "Garrus wait!" She reaches to grab his fringe, mind thinking of every reason to _not_ let him do _that_, but his tongue does a quick, experimental lick and she jumps as her body flares with pleasure.

She falls back as he works her, legs spreading and hands pulling at the bed sheets under her and her lover. And, unlike when she explored him with her mouth, he takes her over the edge and drinks her ecstasy. He doesn't stop with once and when he sheds his armor and along with undersuit and moves on top of her, she's vaguely aware he's saying things to her as she clings to him.

"Beautiful," he calls her. "Beautiful."

And only Garrus can make her believe that.

* * *

As they settle into bed, Shepard wonders what Garrus is thinking about. He looks like he is in deep thought, but that's all she can tell. Garrus lifts her to move the covers from under her and settles down with her in his arms and the covers over their hips. But she's cold, has been for the last four days, and she pulls the covers completely over them and curls into his arms.

This is what she missed. His large body coiled with hers and his heat surrounding her. He makes her feel safe, not because he's stronger or faster or anything like that, but because she knows he will fight to his last breath to keep her so. She knows she has his loyalty and trust, even if she doesn't deserve it.

Arms tighten around her, causing her to look at Garrus' face. His expression is troubled before he notices her stare and he gives her a weak smile. With eyes calculating, he calls out, "EDI, can you open the skylight?"

Shepard tries not to outwardly react, but she still stiffens and unconsciously moves closer to him. He rubs her back, the pads of his fingers rough against the curve of her spine, and he turns to look up as the shutter recedes. Shepard watches as the light spreads across Garrus' face and fills his blue eyes. His hand is still rubbing her back and slowly she turns to look up with him.

But she ends up looking back at the man holding her and she finds the stars aren't _that_ bad of a sight, as long as it's him basking in their light.

Garrus presses his hard mouth plates to her forehead as he shifts to mold his body around hers. "Good night," he says, subharmonic giving out a happy purr as his eyes drift shut.

Shepard yawns, her eyes flutter closes as well, the image of his beautiful blue eyes the last thing she sees. "Good night."

When Shepard wakes she's still tired, however she finds it's not dreams or nightmares that have woken her from her sleep this night, but her curiosity. And she knows she'll not get any more sleep until it is satisfied.

Garrus is behind her, spooning her with an arm loose on her waist and his breath ruffling her hair. Slowly, with practiced ease from nights spent on Omega, she slips from his grip and stands. By her bed, she waits for a few seconds. Garrus lets out an annoyed hum as his hand feels for what it lost before he turns from his side to lay more comfortably on his stomach. He must smell her on the pillows, because he nuzzles one and hugs it to him, pressing his face to it as he sighs. He mumbles her name before falling back into a deep sleep.

Shepard is torn between 'awing' and laughing at how damn cute the big, bad Archangel is.

Grabbing a robe, she sits at her terminal and sends the audio to her implanted comm as she opens an extranet browser. She searches his name and is surprised by the amount of results. For a few minutes she looks over them. It looked like he caused a small buzz when he went off grid; expected with how well known he was at the time—Oh! He even has a few fanclubs out there! Shepard resists the urge to click them (quickly saving the links) and redefines her search.

Thinking she has found what she is looking for, Shepard clicks a video link. A mess of dark human hair is oddly familiar as it bobs into view, but it is what's past it that grabs her interest as the recording starts to play.

Three C-Sec officers are standing in front of a human woman and one is wearing a familiar annoyed frown. The woman speaks before Garrus can open his mouth.

"Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News," she says smugly and Shepard rolls her eyes.

_This bitch_….

"I remember," Garrus says rather dryly while rolling his eyes and Shepard giggles with a hand covering her mouth to stifle it.

"As having just served on the _Normandy_, what are your thoughts hearing of the attack? With Commander Shepard killed in action, has that changed C-Sec's and the Spectre's recent partnership?"

This _**bitch**_! Who the fuck just blurts that shit out? Aren't news reporters supposed to have _some_ tact?

"What?" Garrus asks in complete shock and Shepard's back stiffens in surprise.

He… doesn't know?

"You haven't heard?" Al-Jilani's voice is one of someone who knows they have something _special_ on their hands. "The _Normandy_ went down from an unknown attacker, taking half her crew and Commander Shepard down with it. This news must be disturbing."

Shepard sucks in a breath, trying to quiet the rage flaring explosively in her. _Disturbing_?

Garrus, the poor sweet man, looks lost. His mouth flops open a few useless times before he croaks out, "What?"

Then he quickly repeats with his harmonics pitchy and high, "_What_?"

"There aren't a lot of details, but it is known that Commander Shepard died while saving the life of the ship's pilot."

Garrus shakes his head. "She can't be… not her… not…" He snaps his mouth closed and for a second clenches his eyes shut. A familiar knelling sound echoes in her ears as he ducks his head and clenches his hands into tight fist.

Oh, God. This is worse than watching her funeral from every damn news station out there.

When Garrus opens his eyes he turns away without another word and bolts off. The two other C-Sec agents look confused but end up stopping al-Jilani as she tries to pursue Garrus. The video cuts to black with al-Jilani trying to push past the two.

Shepard closes her browser and leans back in her chair. Through her glass display case she can see him sleeping soundly in her bed, hugging her pillow to him and his fringe slightly flaring.

Standing, she walks over and slips back into bed after pulling off her robe. Garrus cracks open an eye as she pulls him to her and he switches the pillow for her chest. He sighs as she rubs his fringe with one hand and traces his injured jaw with the other.

She kisses his head and she silently promises to _never_ break his heart again.

* * *

When she wakes next it's morning and Garrus is gone, but she rolls her eyes seeing that he cleaned her room. It wasn't even that messy. Just some clothes and armor strewn about; he's just a damn neat freak sometimes.

Shepard goes about her normal daily routine feeling more content than she has for days. Once she makes it to the CIC Chambers informs her that she has a new message from the Illusive Man.

She finds that odd, seeing that she _just_ talked to him yesterday. Honestly, they've talked so damn much it feels like she should send him a freaking friendship bracelet at this point. Hmm, that might be a good idea. A pink bracelet with red glitter hearts….

Rolling her eyes at her train of thought, she reads the message and feels her stomach suddenly drop.

_Shit_.

She knew this was coming. She has been putting it off for so long and—as she hurries straight down to the battery—she knows she's still trying to stall _this_ meeting.

Hell, after Kaidan and Tali, what good can come from meeting up with _her_?

"Shepard," Garrus warmly greets without turning around as she enters the battery. It takes her a few seconds to respond as she stares at Garrus' broad back, but before she can say anything he turns with his head slightly cocked. "Is everything alright?" he asks, taking a small step towards her. As always, the concern in his voice is real and she smiles as her shoulders ease a tiny bit.

"Yeah, uh, so did you want me to tell Joker to take us to Omega?"

"There sounds like there's an 'or' after that sentence," he says bluntly.

She sighs. "Or do you mind if we stop off at Illium first?"

Garrus folds his arms and leans back against the console. "What's on Illium?"

Shepard rolls her right shoulder and shrugs.

"Uh, asari?"

He chuckles.

"Any _particular_ asari? Or are you just a fan of them now?"

She looks off to the side as she tries to casually say, "Liara," but the name comes out pitchy. Damn, why the hell did she let herself get so close with her old crew? Look at the headache it's causing her now! It would be so much easier if she just didn't _care_.

But she does. She freaking does, and she can only hold in the urge to see the sweet asari doctor for so long. While Shepard may have not been interested in the mentally younger woman in a physically way, she still grew fond of her. Friends are a rare find in her life and Shepard knows to hold the few she has close.

Garrus laughs again, but not with much humor. "I see. Looks like Illium it is then."

Shepard frowns as she searches for another way to stall. "We can go later. It's fine, really," she assures. "Liara works there and it's not like she's leaving anytime soon."

Garrus raises a brow plate. "How long have you known she's there?"

"Since… I woke up. After… after I saw Tali." She looks at the ground, feeling incredibly guilty for some reason.

"And why the need to go now?"

Sheesh, is he in detective mode? What's with all the damn questions? Why isn't he jumping at the chance to go back to Omega? Beat up a few thugs, pick up Sidonis' trail, and have a merry old time? Why make her suffer through another ill-fated reunion so soon after that train wreck on Horizon?

"I got some info on the Shadow Broker that the Illusive Man said she might be interested in. It seems time sensitive and…"

Shepard jumps as Garrus suddenly pulls her into a hug. He gives a gentle laugh as he presses his mouth to her hair. "I see. Liara's always trusted you Shepard. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you." His well-placed words soothe some of her fears, but she doesn't say anything as she hugs him back.

She just hopes he's right.

* * *

Liara is cold. That is, until after Shepard gives her the Shadow Broker data, then she's restless and agitated. Pacing around her office until she sends them away, telling them to meet her at her apartment. Shepard's glad she just brought Garrus along, because she's feeling very agitated herself at the moment.

Garrus and Shepard are both sitting in the back of a rented cab. Neither of them in the mood for driving and the VI is handling things just fine with the directions they programmed in.

"So," Garrus drawls and Shepard looks from her window to him. The light of Illium is hard and bright on his face, washing out his gray plates as he stares out at the passing cars. "First Tali runs into you weeks ago and makes no move to contact anyone. Kaidan gets Alliance info that you resurface, makes no move to contact anyone. And now Liara's the one who fucking _handed_ _you over to them_? I swear if Wrex was giving you sponge baths while you were unconscious my head will exploded."

Shepard sighs and looks back out her window, not knowing what so say. Ever since she came back it has been one thing right after the other—

No, that's not true. She has had moments of peace, on Omega, of all places. Moments where she was just Shepard and he was just Vakarian.

"She would have seen me, _us_," Garrus' voice is growing deeper as he goes on, his flanging growing harsh enough to almost drown out his words. "She would have seen all of us and looked us in the eye, knowing what she did. She didn't say a damn word." Shepard turns to look at him again. His eyes are closed and his head is pressed to the glass.

"We kept in contact. Tali and Kaidan threw themselves into working. Wrex just vanished. But Liara… she seemed to be everywhere at once. Now I know what she was doing, coming to Omega as much as she did the first year, looking for her friend." He sighs. "She was always so calm and… _hopeful_. It always bugged me, like she was waiting for something to happen. Over time I could see that hopefulness dim, until one day she stopped contacting me. Or maybe I stopped contacting her? I don't know." He dryly chuckles. "I guess I'm no better than any of them. It's not like I was rushing to make any calls when I saw you in Afterlife."

Shepard reaches out and places her hand over his. He doesn't look at her, but his hand easily laces with hers. The first time she held his hand it was awkward; her too many fingers with his too few. Now it's almost natural.

"Garrus, what did you think when you saw me? How'd you know I was… me?" Hell, she's not even sure of that anymore.

Now he does look at her and his face grows soft, his plates relaxing and mandibles dropping down.

"At first? That I had finally lost it. After that… I… I just had this _need_ to talk to you, fake or real. Then I knew it was you because you started fidgeting every time there was silence. Because you threatened to kill Aria two seconds into our conversation. I knew it was you because it _was_ you. There is no one thing that tells me that; it's _everything_." His hand squeezes hers for emphasis.

"I think…" he says, a sad tone ringing in his harmonics and Shepard is struck with how achingly beautiful the sound is. "That Kaidan and Tali and even Liara are looking for it. That _one_ thing that made them follow you two years ago, that made you—_makes_ _you_—important to them." He turns slightly to pull her free hand in his and cradles both of hers in his large hands. "Just give them time Shepard. They lost you just like I did… and you saw what that did to me."

Shepard slides closer to rest her head on his shoulder. "Aren't you all calm and astute today? What happened to the guy who just tried to turn another guy's face into paste yesterday?"

Garrus gives a deep laugh. "Oh, don't worry, he's still here. And, trust me, Kaidan's still on my shit-list for what he said. But… it's hard staying angry when you're around." He ducks his head, shyly. "Do you piss me off with how damn stubborn you can get? Sure. But then… moments like this, just you and me? It's… nice."

She presses her lips to his armored shoulder. "Yeah, I know what you mean. And I'm only a pain because I care, big guy."

Garrus chuckles. "Well, looking at how you've been acting, you must _love_ me."

Shepard laughs and hopes he doesn't notice how her body stiffens and how her heart starts pounding. But, damn damn _damn_! His visor gives a few quick flashes and he turns his head to her as a silence stretches between them. Their eyes meet and her hands refuse to let go as they tightens around his. His eyes widen and his breath hitches as he watches her. And, damn it all, her own breathing is now labored.

He didn't mean… she knows he was joking… but she also knows… she also knows how she feels.

She knew when he took that fucking rocket to the face and he stopped breathing.

Just how does she say those words? Isn't there supposed to be a _perfect_ moment? A moment where no one's hurt, inside or out, and her life isn't one big clusterfuck in motion?

"S-Shepard?" he starts and pauses to control his voice. His hands pull on hers, coaxing her closer to him. "Do you…?"

The door suddenly opens to the cab (she didn't even noticed they had parked) and they both notice the C-Sec issued cabs all clustered in the parking lot. Garrus gives her one long look before dropping his question and quickly slide from the skycar. They hurry to Liara's apartment, because they both know better than to believe in coincidences.

* * *

"Liara, go release Feron," Shepard orders the doctor as she knells down next to Garrus' unconscious form. The asari spares a worried glance down at him before nodding and running off to go free her friend. With Liara gone, Shepard lets some of the panics she's been holding in out and she feels her face twist in concern. Not sure if she should move him, Shepard dispenses a dose of medi-gel through his suit and checks his vitals. Aside from a few fractured ribs, there is nothing majorly wrong, so she places a shaky hand on his left mandible and calls his name. He rouses then, eyes blinking against the bright lights of the broken ceiling above him, and the commander smiles in relief.

And she knows how to say it, because _every moment_ with him is perfect.

"Yes," Shepard laughs breathless as she pulls him up and presses her head to his. It takes a moment for his senses to return. Being knocked out from a yahg (which is how she has always pictured what a krogan on steroids would look like) is no joke, but his eyes close automatically from her touch and his harmonics purr contently. "Yes, I do Garrus." She can feel tears welling behind her eye. "With all my heart."

Garrus' eye open and, once he catches onto her meaning, she's never seen a more pleased look on his face.

"And I'll love you even more if you _stop_ using your face as your first line of defense."

He laughs hard, winching and holding his side as he does, and pulls her into a kiss.

* * *

Liara is walking around Shepard room. She's dressed nice and Shepard wonders if she had misunderstood Liara's offer, or if Liara misunderstood hers. It's just the odd way Liara is phrasing her words. Things that shouldn't feel loaded do. Like there was more to them back on the SR-1 than friendship. It puts Shepard on edge, but the commander is determined to salvage her friendship with the doctor, so she merely nods and smiles as Liara talks.

Yet, if Garrus was able to hold a flame as long as he did, it would be no surprise if Liara did too, as she was smitten the first week on the ship.

"Shepard." Liara smiles and for a moment all of the coldness the other woman has been exuding since Shepard had met her again is gone, replaced by kind girl Shepard was—is—proud to call friend. "I just want to say…" Liara moves closer, her blue skin shifting like soft waves in the light from the fish tank. "I am happy you are back. I have… missed you greatly."

The honesty in her words tugs at Shepard's heart and she cannot help herself as she pulls Liara into a tight hug.

Later, even when Shepard tells Liara that she's involved with Garrus, Liara only smiles. And when Liara hugs her goodbye, her hold last longer than it should, but Shepard's not sure how to handle things this time around. So she doesn't say a word, to Liara or Garrus, and lets that sleeping dog lie.

* * *

With Liara safely in power as the new Shadow Broker, Shepard told Joker to set a course to Omega. Shepard didn't question Garrus about his plans as they approached the station and when Garrus asked to go alone, Shepard, against her better judgment, let him.

Still, she paced the ship's cockpit till Joker all but threw her out from annoyance. She checked her messages every half-hour and even doubled checked with Kelly to be sure she didn't miss anything. It took him nearly a full day before he returned to the ship with a small chest under one arm, looking grim and solemn, and he gave her a quick kiss before disappearing into the battery. Two more omni-tools were added to his collection.

Things moved quickly after that (or as quick as mining for minerals every three days would allow). Her team grew, from baby krogan to insane biotic, and her ship was getting every upgrade she could manage. Garrus nearly had a heart attack when the new Thanix cannon was installed and Shepard was pleased at his excitement.

She knew her urge to make sure the _Normandy_ was state-of-the-art in every area was partly from her need to have another go at the Collectors in space combat, but mostly because she didn't want the _Normandy_ to meet the same fate, because _he_ was onboard this time. The man she loved was onboard and every upgrade, every new gun and piece of armor, was for him. Was to make sure he lived.

Oh, sure, there was saving the universe there too, she couldn't forget that. But every night she fell asleep and woke up with him next to her was another day she didn't question who she was, or what she was doing. He believed in her and Garrus, while he may be hopeless and sweet and downright adorable sometimes, wasn't a fool. He knew right from wrong and, with his piercing blue eyes on her, she always felt in the right.

Always.

* * *

"Tali," Garrus greets stiffly.

For the last few months Garrus has gotten a lot better. He is always joking and laughing with her and she has even caught him branching out with the crew in the last few weeks. After the loss of his team it was expected that it would take him awhile to connect with the new _Normandy_ crew. So she was kind of surprised to see him talking with Thane and Kasumi after missions. But she was more shocked to see him joking around with Jack. _Jack_. When she questioned him, he just said he has experience with irritable, short tempered human women and gave her a cocky grin.

So to now see him pull back so noticeably is troubling.

Shepard herself was willing to forget about Tali's earlier hesitation, seeing how happy she was seeing Shepard now. Although, that might have had a lot to do with the dozens of geth trying to kill her and Shepard swooping in to save the day, but, hey, beggars can't be choosers, and she's pretty sure Tali is unaware of the hurt she caused her. So holding a grudge would be pointless.

It seems like Garrus is less inclined to simply forgive that easily.

Tali is clearly confused by his tone, but is more concerned about the other quarian, Kal'Reegar, to question him at the moment.

Kasumi grins and leans close to Garrus, whispering something so low that Shepard misses it. Garrus suddenly sighs and lets out an embarrassed laugh as he rubs the back of his neck, before going over to help Tali take care of her friend. Curious, Shepard walks over to the thief and simply stares at the other woman.

Kasumi's grin widens as she takes the hint. "You don't get to know everything, Shep," she teases in a merrily sing-song voice and dances around the commander. Shepard wonders when was it that they (both her and Garrus) became friends with the annoyingly peppy thief.

"The _hell_ it isn't." Shepard glares as she takes a menacing step towards her and Kasumi simply disappears under her cloak; her laughter echoing softly around her.

Why are her friends always such asses?

* * *

"Shepard!"

"Wrex!"

Shepard can hear both Garrus and Tali laugh as she is pulled into a bone crushing hug. But it is her turn to laugh as Tali is pulled into a similar hug and Garrus is patted so hard on his back that the turian stumbles before catching his balance.

"It's good to see you alive," Wrex states as he grins widely at Shepard.

She nods and agrees, "It's good to be alive." She catches Garrus' eye and sees him flare his mandibles in a smile, and she knows she means it.

* * *

Garrus and Tali had stayed behind on Tuchanka to catch up with Wrex. Shepard was pretty sure the _real_ reason _Tali_ had stayed was to play with the varren named Urz. Hell, she wanted to stay for that reason too, but Miranda had called her back to the ship on an urgent matter. And seeing how that _urgent_ _matter_ was that they didn't have room for another krogan so _don't she dare think about it!_ Shepard had just rolled her eyes and nodded to humor the XO. Wrex had already turned her down, but she didn't mention that to the biotic.

As Shepard leaves the XO's office, she cannot help herself as she walks into the Forward Battery, as it is a rare thing to find it empty, and she ends up standing alone in the middle of it.

It feels small, in a cozy sort of way, but strangely empty too without Garrus there. Tucked away in one corner is his cot and underneath are his storage trunks. It looks like he is starting to run out of space, if the way his old guns are stacked into the corner is any sign.

And, with a grin that would make Garrus give her a wary look (not just _any_ wary look, but the one where he narrows his eyes and tips his head slightly to the right), an idea pops into her head and Shepard drops to her knees.

She pulls the trunks from under the cot and starts packing away all his loose items as she calls out, "EDI, can you tell Thane and Kasumi I need their help? And send someone up to put this cot back into storage."

With all of their arms loaded with Garrus' things, they head on up to her room. In the elevator ride up Thane gives a quiet laugh and says, "You enjoy making him anxious, Siha."

It's Kasumi's turn to laugh as she bumps Shepard with her hip. "Enjoy? She _lives_ for it. I'm surprised Garrus hasn't lost his mind yet dealing with her."

Shepard tries to keep the laughter from her voice, but she fails as a grin streaks across her face.

"I don't know what you two are getting at. I'm just helping my boyfriend move. Is that a crime?"

"Tell me; does he _know_ he's moving?" Thane asks with amusement in his dark eyes.

She winks. "Details, details."

* * *

"Shepard," Garrus growls out annoyed as he storms through the door. Shepard merely looks up from where she is sitting on her bed, covers over her bare legs while reading the latest batch of messages on her datapad.

"Garrus."

His eyes narrow at her. "Where's my stuff? If this is some insane game you're playing…" Shepard waves her free hand around her room and Garrus' jaw falls open, mandibles agape as his eyes follow. "…I'm…"

She watches as his head slowly scans the cabin and how his eyes pause by her computer, where she had sat the picture of his family he had tucked away deep in his chest. His spare guns and mods are sitting next to hers on the table along her wall and his clothes are sorted and folded in drawers (not that he could see that at the moment). In the display case, next to her model ships, is some odd… thingy she found next to the picture of his family. It is hard and rough and gives off a strange alien glow. She has no idea what it is, but EDI had assured her it was decorative in nature.

She had tried her best to mix in his things with hers and for the most part she did well. It is still pretty clear what is turian and what is human, but that part doesn't matter.

She even has his favorite songs playing (even the god _awful_ ones).

"I thought it was time you stopped living out of trunks like some space nomad. But you can always pack up go back to the cold, lonely battery, Love. No pressure."

Shepard goes back to reading her message and she smiles as Garrus makes an effort to _loudly_ grumble about how she's a pain-in-the-ass as he pulls off his armor and undersuit. He slips into bed and pulls her datapad from her hand and tosses it away.

"Hey!" She protests with a mock glare before Garrus draws her legs towards him so she slips down on her back. She squeaks and laughs as his talons run up the side of her stomach, right where he knows she's ticklish. "Garrus!"

"How 'bout next time you _ask_ if I want to move in with you?" he playfully gripes with his mandibles flaring into a smile.

"Oh?" She tries to smirk but she can only squirm helplessly as Garrus touches all her sensitive spots. "There goes my plan for our secret marriage then."

She's not sure he understood her, as that sentence was mostly just gasp and giggles. But he chuckles and stops his assault. She's breathing hard as he runs a talon through her hair.

There is something in his eyes that makes her loose her breath all over again, and she welcomes his mouth on hers.

_One step at a time_, she thinks, _one step at a time_.

* * *

"Shepard." A dark, angry voice greets her as she walks into their room. Garrus is sitting at the work terminal, his hands laced together in front of him. For some reason, even with the skylight open and all the lights on, the room seems dark and subdued, with an odd chill hanging in the air. Shepard suppresses a shiver as she slowly approaches Garrus' back. He turns as she nears and what she has feared for the last few months has finally come to surface; Archangel isn't gone yet. "I have a lead on Sidonis."

And, depending how the next sequence of events play out, Archangel may never leave.

...

...

...

Should she do it? Is it her place? Is this _her_ choice to make? She knows what she would do, but she also knows what Garrus would do and what Archangel wants to do.

And then she remembers that only Garrus can fix the mess Archangel has made. Only Garrus.

Shepard steps aside and a gunshot rings loud—_so incredibly loud—_but not as loud as the pounding of her heart.

* * *

**A/N: **Only one more chapter! Woot!


	6. Garrus Vakarian

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader:** Mahiwaga no Megumi

* * *

Chapter Six

Garrus Vakarian

After leaving Liara's new hideout, Shepard is true to her word and the _Normandy's_ next stop is Omega.

Being back on the space station is almost surreal as Garrus makes his way inside from the docking bay. Having Shepard stay behind is foolish, as who knows what might exactly catch up with him on this trip, but he's just as reluctant to put her in any danger. A silly notion, as she is always—as humans say—knee deep in it. Yet, danger finding her on its own and him willing putting her in it are two completely different things.

As he turns the corner of the last hall leading from the docking bay and gets a good view of Omega, Garrus can't help but stare. Afterlife is teeming with life and even from a distance he can feel the air quake with the hard pulses of music. For a moment he watches the flow of people around him and when someone bumps him—a salarian with enough gal to tell him to watch where _he_'_s_ going—he realizes it's been years since he's felt so out of place here.

Omega was _his_ after only a few months; even Aria didn't dare challenge him. She may say it was because she didn't care and that he gave the three gangs under her thumb something to focus on, but after stepping outside of the box for a while he can see why.

And he doesn't like it.

Aria let Garrus have control because he was just like her, and she knew that. She kept her distance because he was a stabilizing agent against the madness. Aria could only do so much without coming off as weak. She could enforce no looting in her districts, but she still had to tolerate obscene crimes. She could make sure no one was raped or killed in plain view, but an alley was all the cover needed. She was a Pirate Queen and as much as she wanted a kingdom, she could never build one on the ever shifting chaos that is Omega.

So when Garrus had showed up and started blatantly cleaning house—taking down crime lords, dealers, and whoever else turned up in his scope—she let him. It had given her a chance to gain more control without getting her hands dirty.

She knew she couldn't challenge him without him gunning for her and she still used him.

While the Blood Pack, Eclipse, and Blue Suns are all far weaker on Omega right now, he is sure Aria is a hell of a lot stronger.

And he doesn't like it one damn bit.

Passing through Gozu district, Garrus tries to prepare himself for what he'll see, but he still gawks in shock at his hideout.

Or its charred remains, that is.

'_I went back and… cleaned up.'_

_Damn, Shepard, you could have told me that meant burning my freaking house down_, he thinks exasperatedly as he approaches the bridge leading to the place he once tentatively called home.

The bodies along the length of the bridge have all been stripped nude by looters and are heaped along the sides. The hardy Earth vermin called rats have been feasting on the decaying flesh and they scatter as he passes. The smell is near unbearable and he is tempted to pull on his helmet, but if anyone sees him with it on it would be too easy for them to recognize him as Archangel and, from what he's been hearing on the streets so far, Archangel is dead.

Garrus hesitates at the charred frame of his doorway and there is bit of panic in him that what he has come for was burned up unknowingly by Shepard. Yet, if it did, he can't blame her, as she was only covering for his sorry ass.

It has only been a week since… _since_… and it feels too soon. His feet feel both impossibly heavy and are tingling with the urge to bolt. His throat is painfully dry and his heart is hammering inside of it; lodged just so that he can barely breathe.

Fear. When was the last time he felt it so completely? Even when he was facing down hordes and hordes of mercs, it was only an itch in the base of his skull; a reminder that even if he was ready to die, he sure as hell didn't _want_ to. Not with fighting Saren and the geth, or C-Sec and his military tours. Even with the Collectors and them calling out for Shepard, that fear had driven him to act—to _protect_ her at all cost—not stopping him cold like now.

There is nothing here to protect. Nothing to aim the fury and panic that is building inside his heart towards; that's bursting like small supernovas each time he tries to breathe and rips through him with a white hot flare that flashes behind his eyes. That leaves him shaking and frozen and weak, so _fucking weak_.

And he finds himself even weaker, as he wishes Shepard _was_ here with him; to say a few sarcastic comments or even to just hold his hand with a gentle squeeze, as long as she was by his side, it wouldn't matter.

_You're not a child_, he growls at himself. _Suck it up_.

Stiffly, his body moves, limbs twitching like they forget they are capable of the act. Everything is charred black but he still knows what burnt, unidentifiable heap is what; the couch, the coffee table, Ripper, Krul, Sensat, and Monteague….

Every few steps he stops and stares and finds he has to remember how to breathe, even if each breath stretches his tight chest in a painful way. Even if each one is laced with guilt and shame and despair.

Even if they are all dead, he still has to breathe.

From the looks of the house the fire had to have burned for hours; maybe even burning itself out. This section of Omega is old and rarely used because of failing electronics and less than on par safety systems. He had always meant to get around to fixing the sprinkler system and such, but there was always something more important for him to spend his time on.

The overall shell of the building is still standing, but it's clear Shepard had used charges to set the fire, leaving large holes in various places. Specifically, places he needs to use at the moment. While Garrus would have trusted the metal stairs to the second floor to hold his weight if it was just a fire to ravage the metal building, the top half of the stairs are blown completely away, leaving him… _doubtful_ of their integrity.

And, for some reason, Garrus finds the missing stairs funny. He can't say why, a combination of his always prevalent bad luck, timing, and the knowledge that Shepard had most likely planted the charges with the hopes of deterring any looters while actually hindering him… and he may just be finally losing it too.

He takes a few slow steps up the intact stairs and at the wide gap he lets out a soft puff of air that, in his current state of mind, can be called a laugh.

"Always all or nothing, huh Shep?" he wonders out loud and freezes as he is hit by surprise with a memory.

* * *

Garrus is in the common room of his hideout, leaning back on the wall next to one of the spare bunks. The long room is filled with sounds he's never heard here before; laugher, cheering, and many other sounds that radiate a good time.

Garrus knows he should be hurrying everyone off to do whatever assignment they need to complete but, as none of them are time sensitive, he figures he can ease up on them this _once_.

Ripper and Shepard both give long victory yells as they jump up and bump their chest for some—what Garrus can only guess as human—reason.

Ripper grins as she bends down and ruffles Bulter's brown hair while gloating, "You got _owned_. By a bunch of girls." Bulter snorts and retaliates; quickly reaching out, messing up Ripper's short blond hair and making the woman back off.

"Girls? More like asari in drag," Bulter taunts as he stands, backing away from the window's ledge. Kurl has already moved away to grab a stiff drink off the coffee table, after giving both Shepard and Ripper respectful nods.

"Guess that means M&M over here should be able to beat us?" Ripper grins at the twin asari as they approach with weapons drawn. Shepard double checks her pistol and loads a new clip in.

"Why the hell people decided to stop using the cool down systems is beyond me," Shepard sighs.

Ripper shrugs and offers, "Faster?"

Shepard rolls her eyes and answers, "Only to the untrained. Now I'm looting bodies left and right to make sure I have enough damn thermal clips."

Mierin smiles. "I am sure that will not be a problem right now." She cocks her gun. "As we shall leave nothing for you to shoot." Melanis gives a similar smile and Garrus is reminded how creepy he found the two ex-Eclipse enforcers when they approached him over a year ago to join him and his cause.

Ripper hooks an arm over Shepard's shoulder and grin out, "Talk is cheap, _ladies_."

Both asari narrow their eyes, making Shepard grin and add, "Come on _girlfriends_; show us what you got."

Vortash nods, showing that everything is ready for another round, and the four of them step into place. The batarian starts the program and the compound's sensors light up and, thanks to Vortash's rewiring, they flare to life with holo projections.

All four women are skilled—Garrus wouldn't have worked with any of them if they weren't—but it is clear who is the best.

Ripper claps Shepard on the back as the commander backs away from the ledge. Mierin and Melanis give acknowledging nods to the winners and Ripper turns her taunts on Lantar.

"Come on Sid, it's your turn to lose." Ripper's grin only widens at Lantar's glare.

"By myself? V's handing the program and Sensat's not here," he gripes. Shepard turns to Garrus and her lips twist into a devious grin as their eyes meet.

"Oh, how 'bout _Archangel_?" she calls in a sing-song voice. "He's been watching, I know he's itchin' for a turn."

His team looks between them with unsure glances, even Ripper doesn't join in on the commander's taunt. They are still not use the looser side of him that Shepard brings out. Honestly, Garrus is still not use to it either. It's been a strange week.

Garrus flares his mandibles at the rush of adrenaline that courses through him at the gleam in Shepard's eyes.

"I'd hate to ruin your good time…" he drawls as he pushes away from the wall."But I guess someone needs to wipe that smug look off your face, Commander." Shepard's eyes flashes in a way they didn't for her other opponents.

"Oh? I remember this C-Sec cop, he used to give me a run for my money, but that was years ago."

Garrus chuckles. "And I imagine one of you would be _rusty_ after all that time."

"Yeah, I hear the poor guy never shows his face in public anymore."

"Hmm, is that true? Well, maybe it's time for his _glorious_ come back."

"Sorry, but I'm already in the middle of mine; he'll have to wait a decade or two 'till I'm done."

Ripper makes an annoyed sound. "Will you two stop _flirting_? You're making miss old sourpuss Archangel."

Garrus notices that he and Shepard are inches from each other and chuckles to hide his embarrassment. He's sure Lantar, the only other turian, can hear the strain in his subvocals as the man gives an amused flare of his mandibles at him.

"How about winner takes all," Shepard whispers quietly before he can move back, her hand skimming lightly down his arm. The sound of her voice purring out in an octave lower makes him suppress a shiver as his eyes snap to hers.

"All?" Garrus repeats as his head bends slightly down with his eyes pointedly looking at her soft mouth, suddenly deeply hungry to taste her; making her shiver from his intense stare. Her eyes are dark and deep as she looks at him.

"_All_," she assures.

Garrus wasn't joking when he said one of them was rusty. Shepard is still getting use to the changes Cerberus made to her body and, because of it, she lost some of the natural grace she once had; the ability to seamlessly move from target to target. She is still better than most combatants out there but against someone who knows her she doesn't stand a chance.

Yet, as Garrus finally kicks everyone out to do their jobs, she looks far from upset. In fact, her eyes are wide with excitement as Garrus sweeps her up and carries her to his room and, he feels her lips move into a smile as he pins her down and kisses her.

* * *

For the first time since stepping foot on Omega again, Garrus remembers that not all of the memories he'll be taking from the station are bad.

As long as he lets himself, he can take some good ones away too.

Feeling a little lighter, Garrus makes the leap to the top floor easily and makes his way to the bedroom. He has to pry the door open and is relieved to see that, not only were no charges placed here, but the closed metal door kept most of the fire out.

There are scorch marks along the frame of the door and the vents, and some the fabric in the room was burnt up, but there must have not been enough oxygen in the room to fuel the fire for very long.

He doesn't bother with the safe (surely empty with Shepard passing through here not long ago) and he goes to the corner of his room. He pushes a dresser aside and digs a gloved talon into a grove, pulling the panel free.

Inside is a lone box, and inside that box is where he had hid away everything that was part of his life before Omega.

There is a picture of his family on top. The one from Solana's graduation from Basic, when Garrus was still the shortest in the family and it is creased and worn from age. It's the one he likes best because his father is actually in that one; smiling wide with one arm around Solana, the other around Garrus, and his mother beaming proudly with another arm around Solana.

There is a memory chip sliding along in the bottom—filled with more pictures—and a small glowing, blue ball as well. As soon as his hand closes around the orb it gives a hard, bone deep vibration that hums through him and his shoulders ease completely at the soothing sensation. It's a Palavenian orb, years of heat and radiation making it pulse with life. It isn't toxic and is a common gift to give a turian youth leaving home for the first time, as holding it is like have a bit of Palaven in hand.

His mother had given it to him, as her father had given it to her. Garrus had asked why she didn't give it to Solana, the oldest and the first to leave home. She had said his sister didn't need a reminder of home; that she would always find her way back, but she had a feeling that Garrus might get lost on his way.

She was right. His mother was always right.

Also inside are his old omni-tool, some data pads and other odds and ends he kept mainly because he never had the heart to throw them out. Like his last two visors; the one given to him by his father for his first tour, and the first one Garrus bought himself. The one he wore on the SR-1. Both were similar looking in design, and Garrus always liked how the white steel and blue light looked on him and complements his markings and plates. Although, with his disfigured face, that really wouldn't matter now.

He replaces the lid and gets a larger box that he was using to store outdated gun mods and dumps the contents out on the floor. He places the smaller box inside and grabs a few personal items he needs for the SR-2. He doubts he'll need any leisure clothes, but grabs a set anyways.

Back on the first floor, Garrus can't help but take one last look around the room before leaving. Once outside, he takes a deep breath to calm his nerves as he sets his box down and steps over to the edge of the bridge, right where they fell. Fell just as he spotted them… as he ran to them… hands outstretched….

It takes a moment for his visor to zoom in on their bodies, but they are down there.

Bulter and Erash.

They landed on a small strip of land, most likely used for maintenance, as it has no accessible ramp or stairs leading down to it. He can see the dark dots of rats swarming around their bodies and he can't help himself as he pulls his gun out and shoots a few, scaring the swarm off. With his gun reattached, he finds the best looking spot and climbs down.

The rats have eaten away most of their faces and have started burrowing into their suits, tearing and gnawing at the panels and wiring. Garrus can feel his stomach lurch at the sight and he has to steady himself with a hand on the wall as the nausea makes him sway.

They didn't deserve this.

When his stomach finally settles he removes their tools and rigs both of their suits to blow with his omni-tool. He can't stand the idea of them being nothing more than meals for the vermin and he knows he can't leave their bodies there like that for anyone to find. He starts his climb back up and, with anger, he notices he's shaking again. That all he can think about are their hollowed out eyes and faces covered in bite marks; flesh torn from their faces, mouths open wide with tongues gone.

He's almost at the top when his hand slips. He scrambles to grab a new hold, but his body glows a bright blinding blue and is jerked hard into the air, where he hovers near the edge of the bridge.

Garrus feels a growl rumble deep in his chest at the asari sitting casualty on the railing.

"Aria."

* * *

Hovering in mid-air, with a deadly drop under him, and being that the mercy (and he uses that word so very, _very_ loosely here) of Aria is not how he though his trip to Omega would go. He had hoped to pop in and out before she knew he was there, but things never do go his way.

"Archangel," she greets, leaning forward as she crosses her dangling legs and places her chin in her hand. "Or should I just call you Garrus now? I heard Archangel and his team got fucked over quite bad last week." Her eyes give him a quick once over. "They all died. Shame, really, as he was quite a looker."

Fuck. He's really not in the mood for this.

"Put me down, Aria," he manages to say evenly.

She gives a light shrugs with her narrow shoulders and the field around Garrus gives away, dropping him. He is too far away from the walls on either side of him to even try and grab ahold, so he just clamps his mouth shut as he falls. The hard jerk on his body is expected and soon he is floating back up to eye level with her.

"You're not funny," he gripes, body aching from the yank of her biotics.

"I don't take orders. I make them," she says evenly as she gives him an uncaring look. "You can always break free too. Between that strong will and that body of yours, you can resist me. Or have you finally stopped seeking death?"

He words are too close to the truth and he hates that Aria can see it.

"What the hell do you want?"

Aria looks at him for several long moments before she smiles. Garrus suppresses the wave of anxiety he feels at seeing the dark curve of her lips and the even darker shine in her eyes.

"You, of course."

"What?" he growls, harmonics rumbling deep.

"Or, to be clearer, what you have."

"If you haven't noticed, everything I own can fit into one damn box."

Aria's smile twists as she hops off the railing, the blue of her biotic holding her easily in the air with him and she makes a show of walking over to him.

"Human are such… foolish creatures," she says as she stops within arm's reach of him. "I remember when I first saw them just three decades ago. So soft, rash, and idealistic. Each one so wildly different from the next and unpredictable. Yet, once you have their loyalty, you have it. To a blinding degree…. And you have yourself a loyal one, don't you?"

Garrus can't help but snarl at her. "Don't you fucking dare—"

She waves her hand and her biotics slam his mouth shut, leaving him growling through his plates.

"I like you," she says as she crosses her arms. "Never one to back down and actually able to hold your own. You weren't the first to try and clean this place up. That's what I started doing. How I ended up here. But you want to know the best way to stop people from fucking with you?" Aria lowers her voice to a level where it's _almost_ like they are scheming together and whispers, "It's to make sure you fuck them over first."

He feels her biotics loosen around his jaw and he bites out, "I swear, I will kill you if you go near her."

"I don't need her just yet," the Pirate Queen says neutrally. "I'm still picking up all the pieces you left behind for me. Those three shit dumb gangs, and every things they own—planets, factories, business fronts—will be mine soon, and you gave me a damn good start."

Her head tilts to the side as she looks at him.

"But having Commander Shepard at my call… well, you can see how much of an advantage that'll be."

Garrus snorts.

"She _hates_ _you_. You might as well send a copy of that tape to _Fornax_."

"It's only a matter of time before she claws her way back into the Alliance, isn't it? Doesn't she normally get what she wants? But you're right. She'll never willingly help me. It'll take a lot more than that."

Garrus feels his heart skip as his box floats into the air and opens with the blue glow encasing it. The items float out, all shimmering with the same cerulean, and Aria makes a pleased hum once she opens the smaller box, the picture of his family floating gently out.

"A lot more." She runs a finger across Solana's smiling face. "Yes, I'm sure she'll do anything for _you_. Just like you'll do anything for _them_."

There are no words to express his feelings at the moment. He's shaking with rage and he's tempted to break her hold and shoot her dead, even if that means he'll fall to his death.

He wants to say Aria's threat is hollow as he's never known her to involve innocents into her games, but he can't say that with complete certainty. He doesn't know her well enough to ignore her threat. Doesn't know her well enough to trust any of her words.

All he knows is that she's a powerful biotic (one of the strongest out there, as what she is doing right now is far beyond an average biotic's skill) and being on her bad side is not ideal.

But being on his bad side is not ideal either.

"Go fuck yourself, Aria."

Aria blinks and stares at him for a second before she laughs. Not one of the hollow mocking ones she uses to intimidate with, but a true merry laugh and that worries Garrus even more.

"I would prefer you, my Archangel." She grins. "You're not going to play nice, are you? Fair enough." His box closes and floats away to its original space, but his picture is still out. "Since I do owe you one, just _one_, for how clean you've been keeping Omega, I'll leave them in peace. See? How nice I am?"

"Oh, thank you Aria," he snaps sarcastically, "for not randomly murdering my family to make my girlfriend bow down to you. You're my new best friend."

She snorts, clearly mocking him.

"No thank you. I've seen what happens to your friends."

Garrus knows he can't possibly glare harder at her at this point.

She reaches over and tucks his picture in his cowl and then grabs his chin, turning his head to the side to examine his damaged plates. His plates shift uncomfortably at her touch and he hisses as she peels back the bandage and gives a click of her tongue.

"Scars don't go over well with your kind as far as I remember. Humans see them as a tribute to their survival, turians see them as a reminder of their failure. No matter what you do, you'll always carry Omega with you. You'll always be Archangel," she states and he notices they are floating towards the bridge. He thinks about how fast he can break her hold and pull his gun once he's over the bridge, but her words are distracting him.

Aria's always been too attentive, to smart and cunning and he hates she can read him so well.

"May you always remember the man you became when there were no rules to confine you, no one to resist you," she says as they land, a good deal of distance between them. She turns to walk away, still talking. "You were better than most, but you still became a killer. Still pulled a trigger and ended whosever life didn't live up to the _perfect_ world that could exist only in your head." She looks over her shoulder as her eyes meet his. "Remember _that_ when I call."

* * *

That night he lays awake with Shepard in his arms. Too worn out to stop his thoughts and he knows if he closes his eyes, what will greet him. So he just stares at the blue glow of the fish tank, the swirl of starts above, and the soft curve of her lips as she smiles in her sleep.

When he had returned to the ship he'd planned on sleeping in the battery, feeling guilty about his encounter with Aria. Yet, he found his way up to her loft once her shift ended and told her about his encounter with the asari. He was surprised when she just shrugged, saying they'll deal with it when the time came and that things were no different than before: Aria still wanted Shepard under her blue thumb, a backup plan in case she needed it.

Only Garrus couldn't just shrug it off. Not when Aria saw him as Shepard's weakness and… when it may be true.

He slides down on the bed, pressing his wounded cheek to her breast and listens to the strong beat of her heart.

_Ba-Dump. Ba-Dump. Ba-Dump. _

He closes his eyes and he knows that that sound is worth all the pain in the galaxy.

* * *

It was so easy to pretend, to push it all to the back of his mind because it was out of his hands. Now it all comes rushing back at once. The hate, the anger, the rage—

The hurt.

It's just so much at once and even though he knew this day was coming—_hoped_ this day would come—it still takes him by surprise.

Chellick, of all people, gives him the info he needs. Not that the other turian has any idea what's going on, or that his info has condemned a man to death. No, his old friend was just happy to hear from Garrus and even happier to help him look for more of his lost friends, as he has been off the grid for so long most of the contact info he had was out dated. Garrus had felt slightly bad at the lie, but it was necessary.

But isn't it _always_ necessary? Killing that gang leader, slaver, thief, murder, rapist, blackmailer, or whatever scum turned up next on Omega's boot heel for him to scrap off until the next bit of muck was stuck in its place.

It wasn't enough. It was never enough. Kill one and two took its place. Kill ten and a gang turned up. Kill the gang and the universe was gunning for you.

Never enough.

No matter how much Archangel gave Omega wanted more, needed more. So he gave and gave until Omega took something he wasn't willing, was never willing, to give up. Then Omega tried to take him too. It would have, if it wasn't for Shepard, Mordin, and Jacob and their timely arrival.

That's why Lantar has to die. It's the last thing he has to do before he can put Omega behind him, before he can let Archangel and his men rest.

Lantar has to die.

His friend has to die.

He doesn't know why Lantar did what he did. He wants to believe there's a reason—torture, blackmail—but there is nothing he can think of that fits the situation and lets Lantar retain any nobility. If the gangs did get ahold of him and forced him to talk, they would have killed him right after. Letting him go would have been too big of a risk, and Lantar was causing trouble for them even before Garrus arrived. Yet if Lantar _went_ _to_ _them_, had himself in a position where they _couldn't_ kill him, then it would explain how he's still alive.

"Shepard," Garrus greets as the door behind him opens. "I have a lead on Sidonis."

He has to die. There is no other choice. Garrus needs to put all of this behind him for him and for the future he wants with the woman he loves.

* * *

It's a race to the end.

They follow Sidonis' trail through the Citadel and Garrus is pleased he asked Thane to join him and Shepard, as the assassin has spent his whole life doing this for the same outcome Garrus is striving for. Shepard is like a ghost, hovering behind them as they talk to informant after informant. As they bribe and ruff up and kill their way to Fade.

Like a joke, Fade turns out to be Harkin, of all fuckers, and Garrus makes sure that that idiot will be out of commission for a while. Shepard only watches with an impassive face as Garrus breaks Harkin's leg and she follows without a word as they leave.

Thane is reserved and Garrus knows enough about the man's past that if anyone was going to lecture him about the emptiness of revenge, it would be him. But Thane and Shepard don't say anything to discourage him… And he wonders, does he want them to? Does he want someone to stop him from doing… this? Not killing… but killing someone he called friend for _two_ _years_? Who helped him live through the darkest part of his life?

But is Lantar really that same man?

Garrus just wants a _reason_, but what reason can he give? None, he knows—Spirits, he knows—but it doesn't make this easier. If he had found Lantar months ago, Garrus would have done this without a second thought. Even now, the rage in him is powerful and overwhelming but there is also Shepard.

She doesn't approve. If she did she would show it, would have been next to him through all this and not standing quietly behind him.

It's the race to the end and Garrus doesn't know what he'll do at it.

Or who will be next to him there.

* * *

"He will run at the sight of either of you," Thane says as he gracefully slips from the cab. "I will scout for a deserted place to lead him so there will be no eyewitnesses. I will radio you." And with that, Thane is gone.

With nothing to do but wait, Garrus checks and rechecks his guns. The scopes, mods, clips, trigger. There will be no reason why anything will go wrong.

"This isn't you."

Garrus' hands still at their task and he slowly turns around to face Shepard. The look on her face is hard and fierce and he knows he's talking to the commander and not his lover.

Garrus tilts his head to the side and drawls,

"What would you do if someone betrayed you? As good as took a gun and shot Joker, Liara, Kaidan, and Tali? Killed me? What would you do, Commander?"

"I would kill them." The answer comes too easily so Garrus waits for the catch, only she stays quiet.

"Same as me," he huffs and Shepard smiles; only it's not _right_. It's too twisted.

"No, Garrus. You know how I am. Once I start something, I finish it. I would've never spent _months_ trying to _forget_, trying to move on. I would have tracked him down in a fraction of the time it took you and killed him. I would have been blinded by anger and hate and everything else you've been working hard at controlling. This isn't you Garrus, it's me. And you're better than that. Better than me." Her expression turns sad. "I… I just wish you could see that." She takes a small step towards him. "I just wish you would stop trying to be like me and just be you, because it's that good heart of yours that the universe needs." She sighs. "That I need."

Thane's voice flares over the comm and Garrus isn't sure what to do, what she's asking him to do, as she leaves to meet up with Thane and he looks for the best vantage point.

He should face Lantar, hold a pistol to his head and let him know without a doubt that he's dying by _his_ hands. But a sniper is Archangel's preferred weapon, his calling card of sorts, and it's Archangel's team that's screaming for vengeance in his ears.

* * *

Pull the trigger. That's all he has to do. He's done it hundreds of times, so what's one more? One lone star dying in the ever expanding universe?

Shepard's down there. He can't see her face but he can see Lantar's and he clearly understands what is happening. Thane and Shepard have him trapped and there is not one around to help him. Garrus is on a ledge and his shot is open, or he _thinks_ it is. Shepard is moving strange, hovering closer to Lantar than she knows she should and a part of him is afraid she'll throw herself in his bullet's path. Why she would risk her life to save Lantar's is beyond him, but Shepard's never been known for her rational actions.

"Tell Garrus… tell him I'm sorry," Lantar's voice is hollow through the comm.

Thane speaks next, voice hard.

"I do not believe he has come for an apology. If you wish to give him any sense of peace, speak of your betrayal. Why someone would turn on so many he called friend."

Through his scope he sees Lantar flinch and look down.

"Can he hear me?" He asks as he looks at Shepard. She only nods. "I… I don't know how they found out who I was. But I was on Omega long before you were, so I guess I had more loose ends." He's looking at Shepard as he talks and she is still as a statue as he goes on. "I don't have a reason, Garrus. I just wasn't strong, not like you. They were going to kill me… they should have killed me. I don't have a reason."

Lantar has always been skilled, a reason why he was always by Garrus' side, so it's not surprising as Lantar lifts his head and looks right into Garrus' scope.

Shepard steps aside (she clearly knew she was in his shot) and Thane steps aside as well, leaving Lantar to stare up at him.

Easy, this should have been easy. Lantar is still the same man who doomed him squad, so what if he was in that situation because of him. Because Garrus didn't protect their identities like he should.

Ah, _damn_, why is he back to blaming himself? Why is this so damn hard? Why can this just be over with?

He just wants to be done with this, he's so tired… of all this, of Archangel….

'_You'll always be Archangel.' _

Garrus evens his breathing and pulls the trigger.

He's just so tired of Archangel.

* * *

The look of shock on Lantar's face as the bullet hits harmlessly at his feet is shared by Thane and maybe even Shepard. Garrus tells them to send Lantar away and Shepard does. The ride back is quiet and it's not until they are at the _Normandy's_ airlock that someone speaks.

"You would have felt the same," Thane assures. "I do not regret tracking down those who killed my wife, I just regret my inability to let go. What that did to my son. I let myself fall into my battle sleep with no thought about the love ones I had waiting for me." He looks at Garrus and gives him a nod. "Letting go is hard. Living is even harder. But today you did something most cannot. You did not let the actions of another dictate who you are." Thane reaches out and offers his hand. Garrus takes it as the doors open and shakes the assassin's hand.

Thane bids goodbye as he leaves for the elevator.

"Hey," Joker is out of his seat and looks from Thane's retreating back to him and Shepard. "So… everything's good?"

"Yeah," Garrus says as he slips his hand into Shepard's and she gives his a hard squeeze.

Joker sighs in exaggerated relief.

"Thank God, man. Some days I thought you were going to go postal and take us all out."

Garrus frowns.

"Postal? As in mail? Why would mail kill you?" He knows a lot of human expressions, but that's one he doesn't. It must be an older one.

Joker's bark of laughter and Shepard's sudden giggling fit tells him he missed something, but it doesn't bother him as Shepard wraps her arms tightly around his left and kisses his shoulder. She looks up at him while giving him a clear shit-eating grin and teases,

"_Obviously_ from all the paper cuts, Detective."

Garrus rolls his eye.

"You're an idiot."

"Good. I wouldn't want you feeling left out, now would I?"

They both bid goodbye to an amused Joker and head up to their cabin. In the elevator ride up, Garrus feels his mood slipping and he hesitates at the doorway to their room. Shepard pulls him along but still he feels reluctant to join her in their shared room.

Shepard frowns and her eyes search his before her shoulder sag and she sighs.

"You don't need my approval," she says gently with another pull. "Only your own."

It certainly didn't feel that way earlier, with Shepard skirting his scope.

"And if I killed him?"

"Then we would still be here," she assures. "Only you'd be asking if he should have lived. No one wins here, Garrus. No one ever could."

That's not what he's asking.

"And if I killed him?"

"Garrus, _we_ would still be here," she says pulling his hand up to press her cheek into it. "Like I said," she goes on, "I would have killed Sidonis months ago. If you had done that, it was your choice, not mine. I… I just wanted you to be _sure_. Doubt, regret… those can eat at you, worse than anything. Do you want to go after him? Do you regret sparing him?"

Garrus thinks about it and while he is still hurting—it may always hurt—he shakes his head.

"No."

"Then that's your answer," Shepard says with a weak smile as she wraps her arms around his waist and lightly nuzzles the underside of his jaw. "But, if it helps, I am proud of you, Garrus. I'm proud to call you my friend, my comrade, my lover. Whether you prefer Archangel or Garrus—"

"Garrus," he says as he turns to press his mouth to her forehead. "To you, it's always Garrus."

She chuckles.

"And I'm proud to say I love you, Garrus Vakarian. I love you."

"Shepard…" he groans as she bites along his jaw and he hears the click of his suits latches.

"_I love you_," she repeats with a slight urgency in her voice.

In a blur they undress and, as Garrus falls back onto the couch with Shepard in his arms, he is struck with the similarities to their first time: her in his lap, his heart open and raw, him whispering in her ear.

Only now, he holds her tight. Not from fear that she is a ghost—a vision in a fleeting, desperate moment—but because he is lost to the passion of her soft, yielding body. And he doesn't fuck her; desperate and needy, but makes love. Something he never knew had a difference until now.

It doesn't matter if it's hard and fast, talons and teeth, or slow and deep, never ending and eternal. What makes it different is the look on her face as he sinks into her, like he is completing her. It's the tears rimming her eyes as she claws his back in ecstasy and sings his name to the stars, her lips on his damaged plates, sweet and soft and sorrowful with each kiss.

The love she whispers against his mouth as his fingers lace into her hair.

The love he whispers back, body spent but always craving, needing more.

It's the love bursting free from his soul and burning white hot in her eyes.

It's love that makes all the difference in the universe and, now that he's found it, he'll try his damn hardest to never let it go.

:

:

:

"Ugh, it's _so_ hot," Shepard whines again, slumped over and dragging her feet. "We're inside a building for Christ sake!" She falls exaggeratedly against a wall, and he's glad she opted for a t-shirt and jean and not that damn Cerberus uniform. Although, walking around on Palaven with that on _seemed_ like a bad idea in general, and not because of the heat.

"It feels good to me," Garrus says smugly as he messes with his omni-tool, checking again for a message. Seeing that nothing is in his inbox he decides to go find a human friendly restaurant, hopefully one that serves cold refreshments.

"Ugh." She slides fully down the wall, the lack of a clever come back shows just how out of it she is. "It's hot. Garrus, I don't like it hot," she whines, sitting on the floor looking up at him with wide, pleading eyes.

"Oh, I didn't notice," he says casually with a shrug. "You're doing such a good job at hiding it."

Shepard glares but stops and fans herself.

"Look at me!" she calls out, causing several turians nearby to indeed look at her. "Look at what you've done to your girlfriend, mister! I'm melting! Spirits alive, I'm melting!"

Garrus only laughs at her, causing her to attempt a light kick at his leg. He lets it land and moves to help her up. When he reaches down and pulls her up she's goes limp and for some reason he finds it even more amusing.

"Guess I have to carry you," he points out. "I don't mind. Having your body pressed against mind. My breath on your skin," he whispers against her neck. "All that heat dancing between us…"

Shepard jumps away from him. "I'm up! I'm up!" But not two seconds later. "It's so _hot_."

This time Garrus does sigh. "And what do you want me to do about it?"

"You dragged me all the way here to fucking Palaven for some super-secret reason when I still need to find out why Grunt's tearing up the ship more than normal, so the least you can do is _make the heat stop_." She grabs his tunic and shakes him. Then she freezes and he knows from the sudden smirk on her face that she has an idea.

"EDI!"

Through their comms, the _Normandy's_ AI coolly responses,

"Yes, Commander?"

"Tell Kasumi her hacking skills are sorely needed. Like twenty degrees cooler needed."

"I will inform her."

"Thanks, EDI." Shepard cuts the comm. Garrus just shakes his head and walks away. She follows and happily laces her arms through his once she catches up.

A few minutes later the building is noticeably cooler and….

"…I'm cold," Garrus says as his shoulders drop. He's used to the constant feeling of being cold, as every other species prefers it a lot cooler than turains do, but he thought he could at least go to Palavan without feeling like he was going to freeze to death.

Shepard grins.

"Well, you know it's better to be cold than hot."

He rolls his eyes.

"And why's that?"

"Because," she stands on her toes and kisses his bandaged cheek. "It's easier to warm up than cool down." She runs her finger across the exposed skin of his neck, making him shudder and sending a burst of heat through him. "It's a lot more fun, too."

"How fun?" He purrs, turning to pull her closer. Her eyes darken and she shivers at the drop in his flanging.

"Oh, I promise," she smiles as her hands press against his chest, palms flat. "You'll have a good time."

Garrus chuckles and leans to press his head to hers. "Don't I always?"

Shepard smiles and presses her mouth to his. They part and Garrus leads them to a restaurant with a sign saying that it's levo friendly. They sit out front in a small patio section and order from the menu. The restaurant is fairly busy and from the happy rumble, he can tell the humans are enjoying the drop in heat inside the building.

His tool pings and Shepard looks over from observing the interacting populace. He can't stop the happy flare of his mandibles as he types a quick reply and sends it off.

She doesn't bother asking, as he has already made it clear it is a surprise, and she just returns to eating her food and watching the flow of people around her. Garrus is too worked up to resume eating and, seeing that Shepard's drink is low, he uses that as an excuse to get up and 'refill' it.

Garrus pauses as he returns to the table, still a good distance away, as a turian around Garrus' own height is now scanning the seating area. Seeing how Shepard is the only solo occupant, the turian calmly walks over and sits down, much to Shepard's confusion.

And even though he knows he will pay for it later—from _both_ parties—Garrus just moves close enough to hear their conversation.

"Hello…" Shepard says slowly as she eyes the other turian. Her eyes narrow as she notices the same blue markings as Garrus' and eyes almost the same color as his.

The turian eyes Shepard in return, most likely comparing the confused human to all the vids and reports ever shown about the great Commander Shepard, before letting out a haggard sigh.

"That son of mine probably thinks this is funny."

"Pardon?" Shepard ask, brows furrowing.

The turian extends his hand across the table and Shepard hesitates only for a second before gripping it. They shake hands as the turian flares his mandibles in a light smile.

"I'm Silvanus Vakarian, Garrus' father. And, from the looks of it, he didn't tell you we were meeting today."

Shepard's mouth drops open and, just as she pulls her hand away from the handshake, she balls it into a fist and slams it into the table.

"That son-of-a-bitch! Oh, I mean motherfucker, shit, bastard—shit!" she panics, not able to think of a curse that didn't inadvertently insult his parents.

Surprisingly, his father is taking Shepard's outburst well and Silvanus just chuckles.

"I believe," he starts once he catches Shepard's eye. "I owe you a thank you."

Garrus almost drops the drink in his hand as he blinks in surprise at the sincerity in his father's voice.

Shepard tips her head to the side, the confusion evident on her face.

"Er… for what?"

"For saving my son." His father's stare never wavers from Shepard. "For bringing him home. For that, I can never thank you enough."

Shepard stares in return for a long moment, eyes wide, before her shoulders sag and she shakes her head.

"No." She gives a light, breathy chuckle. "Don't thank me for that." She smiles fondly and her right hand raises to lightly grips the fabric over her heart. "You don't ever have to thank me for that. It was for purely selfish reasons." Then she grins. "But don't tell him that. That puts me ahead by one."

Garrus cannot help but laugh as he approaches the table, earning him a miffed glared from Shepard as he sets her drink down and pulls up a chair to sit next to her.

"Well, would you look at that? Now we're even."

Honestly though, he stopped counting long ago.

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**A/N:** Ah, done! I hope this turned out alright :) Please review and let me know if there are any glaring issues or questions.

If it's not clear, the fic should transition into the game's storyline from here, only when Shep has to help Aria with all her crazy this Shep is not going to like it.

Thanks a million to everyone who put this on their alerts, favs, and reviewed. This fic actually broke a 100 follows, with was cool. And since Customization broke 100 favs I just need something to break 100 reviews lol So here's some _shameless _self-promotion; if you like my crazy writing checkout 'Beautiful Wasteland', 'Gray Area', 'A Commander's First Duty' and any other Mass Effect based story.

Also, this story was inspired by Lordess-Alicia's 'Mass Effect Scenario Generator' on DeviantArt. I was playing around and got "Garrus and Shepard in a corner booth at Afterlife" and went "Oh, hell yes. This _needs_ to be written!" lol Same with 'Presidium Lake'. (If you love Garrus and Shepard then you should mosey on over to Lordess-Alicia's Deviant page lol I love 'The Show').

Once again, thanks to everyone, my beta's, and also Cassandra Y.

This was fun to write and I'm glad I was able to finish it.


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